Each year I throw an
Oscars party. I invite a group of my friends and get them to bring some type of appetizer or dessert that is themed to one of the movies and I tell them that they have a chance to win a bottle of wine that I am providing to the person who guesses the most winners correctly. What they don't know is that I am all knowing - which means that each year I get to keep the bottle of wine and all the left over food that people don't eat. Don't tell me that throwing parties has its set backs...cause for this one, I don't see any.
The awards have been over for a little while now and I have been mulling over what I want to write...and also flip flopping back and forth as to whether or not I want to crack open my winnings. I have decided what thoughts I will share with you and I have also decided against the wine...as it is after midnight, everyone is gone and I believe that drinking alone right before bed is a sign that you may possibly be an alcoholic. Ok, let's not kid ourselves here...I am not drinking the wine because I forgot to refrigerate it. Warm wine, yuck.
Onto the show.
So the awards started out with a bang.
Neil Patrick Harris came out and did a Broadway routine - song and dance - with about 50 back up dancers and I basically pissed myself. We all know my undying love for NPH and how I so wanted him to host the show so this semi made up for my earlier disappointment. And then came out the two guys that everyone thought would be better than NPH...
Steve Martin and
Alec Baldwin.
Both funny fellows correct? Who the hell was writing their material tonight? They basically did a roll call where they roasted or spoke about each of the nominees adding in inside jokes that none of the general public even understood. By the time that they got to Merly Streep for the second time people at my party were starting to lose interest in the program. "Are we supposed to know what they are talking about?" was the whisperings around my living room in between me yelling out "George Clooney is hot, George Clooney is hot."
Needless to say, that was a ginormous epic fail on the part of whoever was writing that garbage. Inside jokes are not appropriate for an internationally televised show that people actually watch. Strike one.
Then we got onto the awards. I must say that I do need to give props to the Oscars for actually giving out awards on their show...unlike others which are basically 2 hour concerts with 4 awards given out sporadically throughout the night.
The presenters were nothing too special although they did think it was a good idea to have Kristen "I don't speak in public and am a very awkward unfortunate person who bites my lip every millisecond" Stewart and Taylor "I have a nice body but my face looks like dog vomit" Lautner present a montage of "horror" movies....because they never get nominated for anything. Stewart coughed in the middle of the 2 second introduction which I found highly unnecessary and the Horror reel had a bunch of films in it that I would not include as horror movies because 1) I have seen them and I don't watch horror movies and 2) I was allowed to watch
Edward Scissorhands at a time in my childhood where Oliver Twist the cartoon gave me nightmares and 3)
Twilight...need I say more. Strike two.
It was definitely
The Hurt Locker vs.
Avatar -
Kathryn Bigelow vs.
James Cameron night at the Oscars and Kathryn kicked Jimmy's ass. Which must have felt so awesome considering they used to be married and now he is wed to a woman who looks like a walking skeletor (someone take that bitch to McDicks STAT) and his movie cost probably $499 million dollars more to make.
Avatar won for Visual Effects which was a given also Art Direction and Cinematography, but
The Hurt Locker took home all the good awards such as Original Screenplay, Best Picture AND Best Director which was a HUGE deal because Kathryn was the first woman ever to receive that honor. Fist pumping Jersey Shore Style. Fantastic. If you must know...I had Jason Reitman down for the win on that one...not cause I thought he had a chance in hell to bring home the statue, but because he is a Canadian, he is young and he is on Twitter. Life win.
Besides the annoying roast roll call at the beginning and the K Stewart and T Dog moment the other fails of the night included - no one falling...live shows suck if no one falls, that is just a given, so obviously I am disappointed by the lack of drunk bitches in heels. The shut out of
Up in the Air. And the biggest fail of the night goes to whoever put together the In Memoriam slide show.
Twitter was going ape shit after the In Memoriam missed
Farrah Fawcett...who died last year on the same day as Michael Jackson from cancer. Ummm, she was basically a legend. Any woman who has a hair style named after her is going to go down in history...but not Farrah. They can't even remember her for the damn Oscars, but they remember Michael who wasn't even an actor. WTF. They also missed, who a lot of people didn't pick up on,
Bea Arthur - the bitchy one of the
Golden Girls who also passed away last year at the ripe old age of 86. Bea, I will let you know who f-cked that one up so you can feel free to haunt them for the rest of their days...basically I hope the idiots that put that together got fired. Strike three.
On a lighter note...
Sandra Bullock won for Best Actress...not gonna say I called that, but I called that. Obviously none of my guests tonight checked out the stats on ol' Sandy before the show because it was an in unison NOOOOO when they called out her name coming from all around the room...except for me of course, I was standing up fist pumping
Jersey Shore style yelling YES YES YES.
She had the most wonderful speech, as usual, thanking and complimenting in the classy way that she does each of the other women nominated and she thanked her mother for teaching her to love everyone, so cute. (My mother tried to teach me that shit, but I am a rebellious person so I just ended up with the hate, what can you do?) Some people say that she looked mad when they called her name, but I don't think so...I think she was trying to act surprised, but not in the fake Taylor Swift "Oh my Gawd! I have won every award this year and I am getting another one, so WEIRD" way. I don't know if she deserved it, but if they are giving it out Sandy you just take it and run!
There was one point in the night where everyone thought that the man who was accepting the award for Documentary Short got Kanye'd by an overweight white ginger lady...but it turns out that she was some how involved in the film, but still took his thunder...then the music played and it was all over. I am not gonna lie...I almsot forgot about that. What? It was at the beginning of a 3 hour program, give me a damn break.
Well that's about it. Macauly Culkin looked like he was on crack (he probably was), everyone at my party decided that Miley Cyrus has really bad posture and it makes her look odd in strapless dresses (I agreed), Ryan Reynolds was the hottest one there (Love him), and George Clooney needs to get the small mullet he has going on the back of his head trimmed ASAP (full party agreeing).
Verdict: 2.9 StarsFor a full list of winners go
here.XOXO
Jes...
Neil Patrick Harris will be on Glee! I knew it was true, but now we have proof. Cory Monteith posted this picture on his twitter.
Hilary Duff is following in the footsteps of....Lauren Conrad? Duffster is going to be writing young adult books. Well we know how that worked out for Conrad...amazing, considering her books are terrible (Ok, well the first one was...I can only expect that the second one is as well...haven't gotten drunk and gone to Chapters and bought it yet).
Katherine Heigl has dyed her hair brown. Like? No? Yes?
The band TV on the Radio has created a new t-shirt for Yellow Bird Project will all funds going to Haiti Relief!
Sean Hayes, who played Jack on Will and Grace, came out of the closet recently to Advocate magazine.
So last night I tweeted "I feel bad for James Cameron's dying wife...she is wasting away in front of us and his Ex just won best director. Not her night."
The woman who ran on stage and stole to mic from director-producer Roger Ross Williams after their film had won for best documentary short was producer Elinor Burkett.
Farrah Fawcett
Bea Arthur
Each year I throw an Oscars party. I invite a group of my friends and get them to bring some type of appetizer or dessert that is themed to one of the movies and I tell them that they have a chance to win a bottle of wine that I am providing to the person who guesses the most winners correctly. What they don't know is that I am all knowing - which means that each year I get to keep the bottle of wine and all the left over food that people don't eat. Don't tell me that throwing parties has its set backs...cause for this one, I don't see any.
Avatar won for Visual Effects which was a given also Art Direction and Cinematography, but The Hurt Locker took home all the good awards such as Original Screenplay, Best Picture AND Best Director which was a HUGE deal because Kathryn was the first woman ever to receive that honor. Fist pumping Jersey Shore Style. Fantastic. If you must know...I had Jason Reitman down for the win on that one...not cause I thought he had a chance in hell to bring home the statue, but because he is a Canadian, he is young and he is on Twitter. Life win.
On a lighter note...Sandra Bullock won for Best Actress...not gonna say I called that, but I called that. Obviously none of my guests tonight checked out the stats on ol' Sandy before the show because it was an in unison NOOOOO when they called out her name coming from all around the room...except for me of course, I was standing up fist pumping Jersey Shore style yelling YES YES YES.
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland has been one of this years most anticipated films. Johnny Depp and Tim Burton teaming up yet again to create a masterpiece...why wouldn't you go see it? I would recommend that if you do go see it in IMAX 3D that you don't wear giant Wayfarer glasses under the 3D ones that they give out. My nose is currently in pain and the movie ended 2 hours ago.
Mia Wasikowska - Alice. She is pretty much unknown which suited me just fine because there were no other performances for me to compare her too. For what they were wanting the character to exert, a girl who is rebellious, easy distracted and slightly "mad," she did quite well. I think she could have upped the crazy a little, but other than that pretty decent. I am not sure if they wanted us to feel very much emotion from her...if they did they failed, if they didn't they succeeded.
Remember last week when Conan O'Brien joined Twitter and he had over 150,000 followers after his first tweet? Well he wasn't following anyone then and on tweet 10 Conan decided to follow someone. This was his tweet:
I had a little chat with Michael Bernard Fitzgerald last week and he entertained my survey style interview questions with much enthusiasm. For the my full article go to pressplus1.com
Duet with anyone:.
Oh Michael. His Comedy Central show Michael and Michael got cancelled, but he is still kicking it. Why did it get cancelled? Because they didn't show it in Canada where people with a sense of humour could truly appreciate it. Better luck next time Michael.
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