The ENMAX Corral Show at the Calgary Stampede gets better and better every year. Located on the Stampede grounds, the Corral seats just over 7,000 people and has a free with-park-admission show every day (at 2, 4 and 7 PM) for Stampede goers to attend.

This year the circus is in town from Montreal. The troupe Cirque Eloize is doing a Stampede edition of their show iD. A 45 minute act that is sure to impress you in some way. There are break-dancers, acrobats, contortionists, juggling, trampo wall tricks and a mountain biker.

The show starts off with an acrobatic number that is nice, but not out of this world. You may think...hum, OK we are in for a nice 45 minute rest from the mid-way and that's about it, but then it gets really good. It's impressive what they are able to do on such a small stage.

The show rounds off with the entire show doing a choreographed dance sequence. If you are in the right position, I would recommend watching the mountain biker in the back row - dance is not his forte. It's very amusing to watch him try.

If you are going to the grounds this year, I would recommend it. It's worth the park admission alone.

XOXO
Jes...

Do you ever wonder why people slow down when they drive by an accident? Is it to gawk? To see if anyone was injured? Or maybe they are like me, and slow down to assess the situation and decided in their heads what the accident would have looked like had I been here for it live...would it have been dramatic to see?

There is a certain rush you get from witnessing a mishap...and even a thrill from watching something that may end up failing. That is why I have always loved live theatre and that is most definitely why I love Cirque Du Soleil. Not because I hope anyone falls on their face or misses their cue, but come on - the risks that those performers take are amazing.

If you haven't heard of The Book of Mormon, you aren't really in tune with the Broadway scene. I'm serious. The show has won major awards since opening on Broadway in 2011 and has set ticket sale records for good reason. It's hilarious, smart and entertaining from start to finish.

The satirical piece follows two Mormon missionary companions to Uganda. From their start at missionary camp through to the end of the story, there were laughs and 'I can't believe they just did that' moments. Elder Price and Elder Cunningham are two mismatched missionaries. Price is an overachieving overly-confident kid who believes he is God's gift to the world while Cunningham is a weird socially awkward guy with no friends and a penchant for lying. The two are sent to Uganda (much to Price's dismay because he wanted to be sent to Orlando) and well...if the jokes about Mormonism weren't un-PC enough, the jokes about Africa could take an easily offended person right over the edge.

I'm not sure at this point how many different Cinderella stories there are, but I do know that the idea of an orphan girl getting verbally abused by her step family and falling in love with a prince gets little girls everywhere so jacked on life that they just can't help themselves but keep producing more versions of the story.

The most recent movie about the orphan by Disney is similar to the classic cartoon, except live action. The back-story of why Cinderella became an orphan servant takes up three minutes of the open in the original Disney cartoon....it takes up an hour of any other Cinderella story you have seen since then. If you ever wondered why old movies were able to be 60 minutes long where we now live in an era of 3 hour epics that should have intermissions...this is why.

I don't like scary movies. Never have. I can't even watch a horror movie trailer without covering my eyes and hyperventilating. Something about an over active imagination and never being able to be alone in the dark if I see them. So, I'm not really sure why I thought going to a play called The Haunting was not going to give me nightmares.

The Haunting is about a young man who appraises and sells books. A client of his company dies and he goes out to appraise the dead man's collections in his personal study. The house ends up being haunted and the dead man's son and the book appraiser try to figure out why.

There are ghosts, eery music and a child's voice - which, let's be real, is the creepiest thing ever. Child ghosts or demons or whatever - are terrifying.

For the first 20 minutes of the show I was not scared, I was slightly bored. And then this thing happens which scared me so bad I almost cried and it was all downhill from there (for me, the rest of the audience seemed to enjoy being scared - a fact that never ceases to amaze me).

It seems like my fear of scary movies also translates to the stage, which is unfortunate because the story lines are somewhat fun and now it turns out I can't watch them in any form. If you like them though, this is definitely the play for you.

XOXO
Jes...

The Haunting runs until April 12, 2015 at Vertigo Theatre in Calgary. Click here for tickets.

Tale as old as time...or at least as old as 1991 for most of us.

Beauty and the Beast is almost 300 years old, but most of us know the version of the story with Gaston, the talking candle and dancing dishes. That version was the one that was brought to life and danced across the stage at the Jubilee last night brought into Calgary by Broadway Across Canada.

I was very excited to see one of my all time Disney favorites on the stage. (Top 3 along with The Lion King and The Little Mermaid - of course) I was worried that some of the things from the movie that always seemed like they should bother me and didn't were finally going to bug me when watching real people act it out. The chauvinist ape Gaston, the fact that her dad was inventing really stupid things and, of course, the whole bestiality thing. But they weren't an issue. Thank God, do you know how uncomfortable that would have been if you were just sitting there for 3 hours thinking about bestiality? Awkward.

You know what was awkward? Chip. The little boy who has been turned into a tea cup. The first encounter we have with him on the stage you see a boy's face with a hat that looks like a chipped tea cup and you are assuming his body in in the tea cart the 'cup' sits on...but you can see through it. It tripped me out so much I thought someone had slipped drugs into my pre-sitting wine. I still don't know how they did it, and I will lose sleep over it for years to come.

All around the show was full of slap stick comedy and innuendo jokes meant for the parents and sometimes caught on by by the kids. All the little seven year olds in their princess dresses clapped along with the dance sequence involving a bunch of townies at a pub banging together beer mugs. It was so enchanting.

Speaking of enchanting, the performance of Be Our Guest was as elaborate as the movie and gave us dancing plates, singing spoons, and napkins with hearts covering their vajayjays (yeah, that was weird, and I didn't know how else to bring it up). The song of the show was a toss up between that one, and Belle. One would have thought the title song would have been my favorite, however, when Belle walked out in her yellow dress I was overly disappointed. Not a fan. At all. That basically ruined the whole song for me. By the time it was over I was just starting to pay attention to something other than my hate for the dress. Oh well, I'm sure the song was lovely.

Other than the miss on the dress, the awkwardness of Chip, and the Beast being too short (oh I forgot to mention that - the Beast was not very big. I feel like that was a miss.), the adaptation to the stage was pretty great.

Verdict: 4.1 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

Beauty and the Beast is playing in Calgary until February 22, 2015

As soon as the credits started rolling on the movie, the old lady beside me in her Northern Reflections circa 1997 sweatshirt stood up and said,

"F*ck right off."

...and then left the theatre.

I'm with that lady. That lady knows what's up...about the movie, not about fashion. She may possibly also been wearing Crocs, I didn't get a good look.

Gone Girl is a the story of girl crazy on steroids. You know what sucks? Girls being girl crazy. You know what's terrifying? Girls on girl crazy steroids. You know what makes my blood boil? Thinking about the things that girls do when they go girl crazy. You know who I envied after watching this movie? Gay guys. They don't have to deal with this shit - ever.

You know what sucks more than knowing that you are forever part of a gender that is known for losing their minds if emotions get in the mix? Having someone tell you that you are going to see full frontal nudity from Ben Affleck in a movie and then not seeing his peen. THE RAGE.

So to recap Gone Girl: Girl goes crazy. No visual of Ben Affleck's penis. Roll credits. The End.

Verdict: 4.0 Stars 

XOXO
Jes...

You don't often hear people talking about a desire to be old. As a society we generally associate being old with being closer to death and the inability to do things you once could. We love old people, we just don't want to be them...

...until we get confined to social norms that we wish we didn't have to abide by and then we love to say things like, "I can't wait to get old so I can do whatever I want."

Because let's face it, old people can get away with pretty much anything. There is an unspoken rule that once your skin starts falling off your face, smacking a random in the leg with your cane for no reason, yelling at children on the street and wearing a nightgown to the grocery store are all acceptable forms of daily existence. While all of these things are terrible (yet incredibly hilarious), one of the most unfortunate things about elderly ladies is Talbots...and general old lady 'fashion'.

In any demographic or grouping however, there are those that break the mold. For the longest time I thought there were two types of old ladies - those who didn't give a damn and wore bag like clothing and those who wore Talbots (or some similar variation of old woman beige).

Enter Ari Seth Cohen and his elderly fierce friends. The documentary, which was screened at the Calgary International Film Festival, takes a look into the lives of a handful of women who are regularly featured on Ari's blog, Advance Style. They live in New York City and always leave their homes dressed for fashion week.

The film gave us a peek into the lives of these ladies. Where did they come from, what had they done and what are they doing...and most importantly, why do they love fashion?

One of the ladies said that she was an artist, and dressing up was just an extension of her art - she was the canvas. Another said that it takes her years to get an outfit together - each piece needing to be perfect before she presented it to the world. And one said that she gets dressed up everyday for the theatre of her life.

And that makes sense, because these ladies were definite characters.

There is so much to say about this film. It was not just a story about some old ladies that like to wear fabulous clothes. It was a commentary on getting old. It was a PSA about a movement...a movement that recognizes old people as still being relevant to fashion - an industry obsessed with looking young. And mostly, it was a love letter to being yourself.

I left the theatre thinking that getting old may not be as bad as I thought. As long as I know me, and do me, I'll be good with the rest of it. I am not a huge fashion person so I won't be turning my hair into fake eye lashes, but I will most definitely own it when walking* down the cereal aisle in a nightgown hitting random children with my cane for no reason.

Verdict: 4.1 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

*I also don't know if I will really be into walking when I am 80. I may be doing all of this while riding a scooter - or a segway.

Can you believe I had never seen Wicked!? It is one of the most beloved Broadway shows...ever, and I had never seen it. I don't think I ever made it a grade A priority because I was never fully sold on the Wizard of Oz. Dorthy annoyed me and the premise was not in my wheel house of 'things that entertain me'. So Wicked was out of the question.

But if people you know rave enough about something you are bound to give in at some point. So I did...I went and saw Wicked.

And ummm...WHY didn't anyone tell me it was amazing?! SO RUDE.

Shaina Twain took the stage at the Saddledome last night for her second of two Virgin Mobile Stampede Concert series concerts at the Calgary Stampede...

...and Canada's Country Queen did not disappoint!

After almost a decade of not touring and two years of residency in Las Vegas, Shania brought the show to her Stampede loving fans and it was wonderful. Unless, of course, you hate theatrics, funny crowd interaction and loads of cowgirl BLING.

WERK IT SHANIA! 

The woman made it snow during Still The One and I am pretty sure people cried. (I didn't, obviously, but other people probably did.) She took selfies on stage with fans (4 of the 6 were from AMERICA - which annoyed me. I booed them, obviously.) Her husband came on stage at one point and I had to remind myself he is not Kenny G (Or is he?! I JUST DON'T KNOW!). She sang hit after hit after hit until I was like...OMG, Shania Twain was my 90s.

When she had some fans on stage and they were sitting around a camp fire signing (that happened)...the sole man from Calgary got up and started dancing with one of the American girls. He flipped her over and her shirt came off revealing her leopard print bra. Now, I'm not going to say I wasn't slightly mortified for her, but like, come on, she really should get clothes that fit her. Way to go Dave. *air high five*

Besides Dave, the other supporting cast of the night that brought the show from "awesome" to "MAGICAL UNICORN EXPRESS" were Shania's backup singers.

Ryan and Dan Kowarsky. Also known as the classical duo RyanDan. ALSO two of the three members of your favorite inappropriate 90s song group b4-4! Shaina is so ballin she got the "If you get down on me, I'll get down on you" guys to be her backup singers.

That is out of control.

I will tell you that I recognized them right away...probably because I am constantly doing "Whatever happened to the spiky haired b4-4 singers" posts and know the non-guido looking version of them. I yelled to everyone in my section that it was RyanDan and they were like - lay off the Stampede crack. THEN, Shania introduced them and justice was served to the disbelievers.

I would be lying if I told you I didn't leave the concert yelling "That was the best b4-4 concert anyone has EVER been to" on my way to buy deep fried pickles on the Stampede grounds.

After a night of glitz, glamor, Shania and RyanDan - it's doubtful that anything will top it this Stampede. It's one for the books.

XOXO
Jes...

Dearest Kevin Richardson,

You know the saying 'you don't know what you got til it's gone'? (...paved paradise and put up a parking lot - yes, I am aware this is a song lyric.)...well, I didn't know how much I loved you until you reunited with the Boys. Let me tell you how you made and broke the BSB...and how I didn't know until now.

Back in the hay-days of the Backstreet Boys you were not many people's number one. I would say Nick was a solid first with admirers, with Brian coming in second and then AJ. Howie came in a little ways after that and then there was you. Kevin.

You were the older one. You were over 20 and the 12 year olds were like 'HE COULD BE MY FATHER!'. Obviously that is almost impossible, but that's what we were all thinking. If someone said Kevin was their favorite, you looked at them weird and assumed they would grow up to marry a 70 year old overly tanned man who wore lots of gold jewelry and owned a yacht. You also had that long haired bob thing that just didn't work. But to each their own.

Wow, this is the worst opening to a fan letter ever. I promise, it gets better.

In 2006 when you left the band, the world didn't end for the BSB fans. (Not like when Justin left N*SYNC and forever ruined the lives of those other guys that no one remembers anymore.) The Boys stayed together and kept making music. It was OK.

We (the fans) all just thought it was because everyone was getting old and 90s pop wasn't working for them anymore and therefore they were in a rut. I am a true fan and I can say, even though I own the albums I know only one, maybe two, songs from them. (OK fine, that was a lie - I know only one.)

The unfortunate sucking of those two albums didn't stop us from going out the the concerts and watching the Boys fall around the stage and become seemingly vocally challenged. I just thought, 'This is what it means to get old' and I accepted it.

Then they went on tour with the New Kids, which obviously you are aware, and - oh. my. GOD. The shame. Those dudes were at least 10-15 years older than the Boys and were blowing them out of the water.

Nick could barely stand on stage and the spark was not there. Then Donnie Wahlberg comes on and lights it up and I'm like, 'That dude is almost 50. I am embarrassed by my choice of t-shirt.'

In all those years, I never once thought to blame you for all of this madness. I blamed Father Time.

On April 29, 2012 you rejoined the band. I remember this date because I buy a 'ALL TOGETHER AGAIN' cake every year to commemorate the announcement and all the tears of joy I cried when I heard the news.

When In A World Like This came out last year I was thrilled. It was not bad like the previous two that were made during the dark era (2006-2012, the time sans Kevin). It was no Millennium, but it was not bad, not bad at all. I even screeched like a school girl when I saw you clapping in the music video. ALL WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD!!

Then you came to Calgary - and now I know Mr. Richardson - it is all your fault. The sucking, that is. Which means I am going you 96% of the props for how amazing that concert was last night. AH-MAZE-ING. The singing, the moves (less than previously, but come on - less is more) and the acoustic performances. Mwah, beautiful.

So what happened? I am assuming the conversation went something like this:

Boys: 'Kev, man, you gotta come back. We are dying without you!'
You: 'I've seen the garbage you are trying to pass off as entertainment, so no.'
Boys: 'WE WILL DO ANYTHING!'
You: 'If you PROMISE to get it together. I will not be embarrassed like I was that time in 2010 when I did you a favor and came back and sang on Oprah.'
Boys: 'Of course, we will be prime time BSB once again.'
You: 'Will AJ get hair plugs?'
AJ: "Of course Kev, of course! Anything!'
You: 'Nick, will you get your life together? Seriously the 50 extra pounds and the zombie performances are gross.'
Nick: 'The shame! Yes, and I will even write a book about it.'
You: 'Howie, do you promise to never have long hair again?'
Howie: 'I'm horrified that ever happened.'
You: 'And Brian...'
Brian: 'What could I possibly...'
You: '...keep being perfect.'
Brian: 'No problem.'
You: 'Fine. I'll do it, but I expect voices of angels.'

And then you came back and we are one step closer to world peace...and I have last night to prove it. (And thanks for making AJ get hair plugs - for real.)

My favorite parts of the show were as follows:

1. When Nick serenaded me and sweat on my face, which was both amazing and horrifying at the same time (you probably told him to pick me - you could have told me before so I got a picture)

2. When you all sang an acoustic set (which was beautiful and you probably picked the songs)

3. When you sang I Want It That Way and the crowd lost their mind (and they were thinking exactly what I was, 'IT'S SO GREAT THAT KEVIN IS BACK')

4. When you all came out wearing Flames jerseys in an attempt to pander to the audience and it worked (this is just common sense, but I am sure you had to talk Nick or Howie into it)

5. When you talked to the crowd about how glad you were to be back and I wanted to yell WELCOME BACK KEVIN but my voice is squeaky and doesn't carry so I didn't (and I was also mad that I didn't have the sense to make a sign so you would know my true joy - I'm an asshole.)

Kevin, I am glad I got that all off my chest. It was a hard couple of years and the therapy I had because of it is nothing compared to this letter.

Just one last thing Kev, NEVER LEAVE AGAIN. Like, ever.

XOXO
Jes...

HORSES.

They were the stars at Cavalia’s Odysseo which opened in Calgary last night. Unfortunately for me, I am not a fan of animals, horses, or living things in particular so I can’t accurately say whether or not the show was fantastic – from my own personal experience.

However, if you are reading this for ‘should I or should I not’ information, you probably have some kind of horse interest already. I will tell you about the show based on the noises I heard from the audience. Their cheers and gasps at certain horse things confused me, but should help you in your decision whether or not to go.

A bunch of horses running around in a circle started the show – AMAZING, according to the audience. Clapping, cheering, gasping. I literally thought there was a horse giving birth in the background and I was missing part of the show. I wasn’t, it was just horses running.

There were girls riding horses like water skis. Which was pretty cool, and the audience agreed. One of the girls did not look comfortable and had a slip at the end of their first circle jaunt and I was thrilled. Unfortunately for me, she stayed up. Yes, I am one of those terrible people who enjoys the mishaps of a live show. In the grand scheme of the evening, the missteps were so small you barely noticed (unless you were watching with an eagle eye like me, then you did.)

The audience also loved when the horses ran around in a windmill formation, did quick pivots, were trotting and walking in circles. It was kind of like being a non-parent at a two year old's dance recital. All of the parents are thinking, “Oh my God! My kid is able to retain information and do a routine! I am so proud!” and I am thinking, “If one of these kids doesn’t do a back flip soon, I’m leaving.” People who get horses, understand how great the show was. People who don’t (me), are less impressed.

Now for those of you who are like me and are not fans of the four legged, there were some spectacular human moments as well. The acrobatics, aerial and pole dancing were all fantastic. The music was live and the singing was on point. Then there were the men on stilts who were by far my favourite part of the show. They just seemed like fun guys, we should hang out.

The riders were also pretty fascinating. Standing on their horses, flipping around them when they were running and being extremely enthusiastic when faced with the blank stares of the Calgary crowd. Don’t worry riders, by the time the show closes, you will be used to the barely-there crowd participation that plagues this city. That’s just how it is.

For those fashion driven people here are some facts: a few of the horses had crimped hair and they were different colours. At the beginning of the show they tell that audience that all of the horses are male…which makes me sad for them. None of them are getting any action (unless there are gay horses – are there? Reminder: google ‘are there gay horses?’.)

That’s about all I’ve got. My notes were very minimal as I was tending to my plus one who was, unbeknownst to me, allergic to horses and had some kind of reaction to the fact that 70 horses were running around in front of her face. Don’t they make medicine for that? Get your life together woman.

Odyesso is running from now until June 1, 2014 White Big Top at Canada Olympic Park in Calgary. For tickets click here.

XOXO
Jes...

Mark Wahlberg was in the newest film/ad for the army, so of course I had to go see it. Lone Survivor kind of gives away the ending with the title, but that didn't stop me from going to see it.

SPOILER ALERT: Although this is based on a true story (or, according to the poster, 'based on true acts of courage'), I am going to go into more detail than 'only one person lives' in this review. Consider yourself warned.

It was based on the true story told by officer Marcus Luttrell (as played by my husband, Mark Wahlberg) about a mission in Afghanistan to apprehend a Taliban leader. While scoping out the village where the man is located, they are made by two boys and an old man who are herding goats. F-cking goats!

The four officers debate their choices. They can A) kill them, B) tied them to a tree, C) let them go.  They decide that A is a bad option because they will find two dead kids and an old man and it will get shown on CNN and they will end up in jail. B was no good because they would also die of either animal mauling or cold. So they go with option C. They let them go and run for higher ground to radio in for support.

Again, as you can probably tell by the title, they probably should have just went with plan A and ended it right there, but they didn't. If they had, we wouldn't have gotten to see Mark Wahlberg run around the screen all bloody and bashed up for 2 hours.

And despite the fact that all of the soldiers had beards (gross) there was a lot of hot action on the screen. We all love Taylor Kitsch (and if you don't, get your life together - the man is a fox and Canadian) and Emile Hirsch was looking fiiiiiine as usual. The other guy was Ben Foster. I mean, he's not ugly, but in no way in a league with Hirsch, Kitsch and Wahlberg. Poor guy.

A third of the movie is the four guys trying to get away from the Taliban army (like seriously, someone needs to provide me with a death count because it seemed like hundreds of bad guys died). They get picked off one-by-one until the last man standing is miraculously saved by an Afghan man and his son who clean him up and protect him.

After they bring him to their village, he sends this 100 year old man across the country by foot to deliver a sentenced scribbled on a piece of paper to an American army base. That entire last sentence was a slight exaggeration, but seriously - the man was old and friggin WALKED to the base. I can't believe he made it there before he died.

The Taliban figures out that Luttrell is there and tries to kill him twice. The second time the Taliban goes to war on the town and they are saved in the knick of time when the American's arrive in helicopters and shoot everyone. (Literally everyone - I would like to know how many of the townies survived that air raid).  They get Marcus and take him back to the base.

If you didn't already guess based on the name and the fact that Mark Wahlberg's face is the only one on the movie poster and that he is NARRATING the movie - yes, he is the one that lives.  And like HELL I would ever watch a 'based on a true story' movie again where there is a chance he might die. I am still scarred for life because of The Perfect Storm.

I definitely liked the movie. A tad bit too gory for my liking, but that is a personal preference - and God gave us hands that know to cover our faces when it's just too much. I completely appreciated the end of the movie and the town that protected the soldier. I find the American slant in movies about the middle east rarely paints a picture of anything but people who hate Americans. This was refreshing, and great that it was actually true.

So now that you know everything that happens - you should go see Mark Wahlberg not die.

Verdict: 4.0 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

Whenever I go into the theatre to watch a sequel I brace myself and prepare for the worst. You kind of have to right? I mean, if the first movie was good, your expectations are going to be too high for the second one. If the first one sucked, the second one doesn't get made or no one goes to see it.

When The Hunger Games hit the theaters, there was little to no chance that the second movie of the trilogy wasn't going to be made. The books were blockbusters in their own rights and the movies would be as well. With the talent behind the movies, there was little stopping it. And nothing did. The Hunger Games went big and knocked it out of the park.

Then came Catching Fire, the second film in the trilogy. Would it live up to expectations?

I have read the whole series and I can tell you right now, I had my reservations. My favorite character in the whole trilogy was Finnick. He wasn't introduced until the second book, thus his character was not revealed until the second movie. This could make or break the whole thing for me. Fail with Finnick, and fail with the entire series.

Luckily for the producers, they did not fail with the Finnick casting. I can't believe how bang on they were with their casting of Sam Claflin as Finnick Odair. It was perfect. From the photos I wasn't sold, but once he hit the screen - full relaxation. They got it right.

Catching Fire was not like the Hunger Games. The pace was faster and there was more on the line. This was the same for the film.

Katniss and Peeta head off on their tour of the Districts after winning the Hunger Games. They become aware of the rebellion spurning within the Districts and see some of it first hand while stopping at each of the Districts.

I would be lying if I told you I didn't cry when they stopped in District 11 and Katniss talked about Rue. Pretty much, f-ck everyone that didn't think that was the saddest on screen moment of 2013. Everyone of District 11 was crying and grateful and then they bust a cap in the head of the old man who salutes Katniss and whistles a song (Holy hell, I would not survive in a post-apocalyptic era - I would be shot in five seconds).

After their tour, President Snow is not thrilled with their performance and wants to do away with them. A plan is devised to send the old victors back into the Hunger Games for the 75th anniversary of the games. Dun dun dun. Katniss, being the only female victor from 12 is chosen and Peeta volunteers for Hamish who has his name drawn. Oh-EM-JEE, it's the Hunger Games all over again.

Except this time there is Finnick. The hotness factor of this movie is exponentially higher than the first.

So Katniss and Peeta head back to the Capital...still playing the game of 'star crossed lovers' (I get it, but it doesn't mean i can't think it is lame. as. fack.) and they meet the other 22 victors who will be heading back into the area to play in the 75th games. A bunch of old people and Finnick. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to anyone else, you'll have to forgive my lack of description.

The Hunger Games start and...

It does not end as you think it might and there are all sorts of twists and turns along the way. One of the turns being Mags' ending...that brought on the waterworks. I don't want to ruin it, but what I will tell you is, the ending isn't really an ending and you will leave the theatre enraged that Mockingjay hasn't been released yet. I felt that way when I finished the book, but then I picked up my Kindle and, BOOM, five seconds later I was reading the last book. Sorry, you'll have to wait at least a year.

So what about the actors? Did they deliver?

Jennifer Lawrence was amazing as Katniss. You really wouldn't think anything different. The girl won an Oscar last year for goodness sakes, if she screwed this up, it truly would be a travesty.

Josh Hutcherson was way less annoying in this movie than the last, but that is all in character. Peeta really does grow on you...in an, 'OK fine you can hang out with us as long as you don't talk and do whatever we want', kind of way. He still is not fully un-irritating.

I know Liam Hemsworth is a big name associated with these films, but his face time is about 15 minutes combined in the two movies. I always felt like Gale had a much bigger role in the books, but maybe that was because I am (and always will be) on Team Gale. He plays the part well, even though there's not much he can do.

Jenna Malone as Johanna Mason was fantastic. Johanna's character is annoying as all hell, so the casting of Malone was pretty on point.

My favorite, besides Sam Calflin playing the socks off of Finnick, is Stanley Tucci as TV host, Caesar Flickerman. I hate you, but I love you at the same time...even though you have purple hair. He brings the comedic edge to an otherwise serious and disturbing story.

All of that to say, yes to Catching Fire. Yes yes yes.

Verdict: 4.1 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

Oh boy. Can anybody say AWARDS SEASON?!

Dallas Buyers Club plays out a distressing, raw and slightly heroic story of Ron Woodroof, a free wheeling Dallas cowboy who contracts HIV in the 80s and fights to survive and turn a dollar while he's at it.  Woodroof gets his hands on the only government approved drug for AIDS, ATZ, and then when his supply runs out he goes south of the boarder to find some more medicine. Isn't that always the case? When all else fails, go to Mexico.

Woodroof decided to bring the supplements and proteins he was taking in Mexico back over the boarder to turn a profit. Cha-ching. With the help of his transgender friend Rayon, he is able to connect with other AIDS victims and get them on his regiment. The film then follows his run-ins with the law, the FDA and doctors as he starts a buyers club for his clients.

Matthew McConaughey's portrayal of Woodroof will most definitely earn him an Oscar nomination. And not just because he lost a sickly 50 pounds to play the AIDS ridden bone rack. It was not a pretty sight, think Christian Bale in The Fighter.

No, it wasn't the bone chiseled face that will nab him something this awards season.  He was playing a character of pain and determination who was kind of an ass hole, but the underdog at the same time. You wanted to route for him, but also kick him in the face. Those are the hardest characters to play. To get the audience to route for you while hosting very little in the way of redeeming qualities. Now that is a feat. McConaughey nailed it.

Maybe it is for the best. (SPOILER ALERT) As did most people who had AIDS in the 80s, Woodroof succumbed to his disease a few years after contracting. A semi-victorious story, but ending in death nontheless. It's probably better that I didn't really like Ron or I may have come home from the theatre, popped open a bottle of Chardonnay and listened to my funeral playlist. Tear.

I also need to mention Jared Leto who played the transgender sidekick Rayon. Oh my sweet Jesus. Leto, who was already a tiny man, lost 30 pounds to play a man also suffering from AIDS and I swear to God when he turned sideways you could barely see him. Revolting and applause worthy. I think Leto is such a weirdo in real life that people forget how talented he is. If McConaughey doesn't steal all the thunder from this movie I could see there being some Award season hardware in it for Leto as well.

Jennifer Garner plays a doctor who is sympathetic to Woodroof's situation and is by far the least interesting people on the screen. I was so underwhelmed by her that I forgot her name - and she was in the entire movie.

After seeing this movie I am excited for awards season. Bring on the acting Hollywood. I am ready.

Verdict: 4.1 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

The Fifth Estate is the newest biopic about a man of modern technology...not the 39 year old CBC news program, which is what I am sure everyone thought when I told them I went to the Fifth Estate last night.

The film tells the story of WikiLeaks an its founder Julian Assange. Well, it tells a version of the story. The movie is based off of two books, one being written by the former co-pilot of the site Daniel Domscheit-Berg. Berg's portrayal of Assange is a little less than complimentary. I am assuming Assange is a little bit insane in real life, but the version Benedict Cumberbatch played of him was unflattering.

The things men will do after being burned by a woman...

Patrick Moote is one of those unfortunate people who will forever be on the 'failed proposal reel' after getting rejected by his then girlfriend on the jumbotron at a UCLA sporting event. Moote found out later that, according to her, she said no because he had a small man part.

Instead of doing the normal thing and justifying this rejection by just assuming the girl was a giant ho and had a gaping vagina, he went on a journey to find out if size does really matter. Well...that's what they say the documentary is about. But what I am really seeing is a guy who definitely thinks size matters and is going on a journey to make his junk bigger.

After talking to a doctor who tells him that, yes, by medical definition his is 'low average' in size, which he compares to a chick with an A cup size, he starts to try everything in the book to get up to at least average.

He tries it all: pumps, pills and other techniques that have supposedly worked for others. After those all fail, he takes his show on the road to other countries to fix his shortcomings. 

As uncomfortable as most of this doc was, it was also quite funny. Who doesn't like a good dick joke? The whole thing was a dick joke. Some of the stuff was comedic, like when he surveyed the crazies doing Bay to Breakers in San Francisco and other stuff was 'shocking nervous laughter' funny.

For example, at one point he is in a dirty hotel room in Africa about to get his penis injected ten times by a guy who has just poured some mystery oil from a water bottle into a Dixie cup and then sucked it into a syringe. He literally has his penis out ready to go and bails. I almost puked. He declared he didn't want to do it because 'he doesn't even want to eat the food there'...great reason, along with it being completely unsanitary and crazy.

Then there was the time that he and his sound guy Kevin actually puked while watching a surgery where part of someone's stomach is implanted into their peen. People puking is always funny, watching a penis get cut open, not so much.

About halfway through the film one starts to think that maybe Patrick's girlfriend didn't dump him because he had a small peen...maybe she dumped him because of his self loathing obsessive personality. I mean, it's small deal with it.

Note: You don't actually see his penis at all in the film. You are going entirely based on hearsay from other people, and they don't give measurements.

He was literally so dead set on making his peen bigger he almost did things that could ruin his penis entirely. Does that sound rational to you at all? No.

By the end of the film they make it appear that he has come to terms with the size of his penis. I think that is a blatant lie and he is going to obsess over it for the rest of his life, but for the sake of a happy ending, way to go Patrick.

So yeah, tonight I watched a movie about a small dick. It was awesome.

Verdickt: 4 Stars

XOXO
Jes..

Parkland is a film set around the death of JFK in Dallas in 1963. The focus is not on John on Jackie, but on the supporting characters to the story. Named after the hospital where JFK was taken after being shot, Parkland Memorial, the movie tells the stories that have not been heard before.

A version of what happened in the hospital room, the reaction of the secret service, the failure of the FBI, the man who filmed the entire situation and the family of Lee Harvey Oswald taking on the shame of their brother/son.

In theory, this is a interesting story. Riveting even. Unfortunately it is a story we have all heard so many times before it is hard to bring something new to the table to really make something fresh and new.

Dearest Taylor Kitsch,

Last night your movie The Grand Seduction opened the 2013 Calgary International Film Festival, or as we like to call it, CIFF. You weren’t there so I will give you a briefing on what you missed, on the screen and off.

image credit: broadwayacrosscanada.com

Dear Animal Lovers,

What did you do today? Did you wake up at the crack of dawn to walk your dog, get your face scratched by your cat or purge your yard of feces? All of these things sound like extreme fun. I mean, it's a wonder I have no desire to be near animals, let alone own one. I really should head over to the SPCA...

Before I go pick up a stray animal that will ruin my life, I need to finish this letter. It's important. You see, I saw something the other night that I think you would enjoy. It was a broadway show about a 16 year old kid who has a horse that his dad sells to the British army during WWI...he was like, "Oh hell no!" ran away from home on his bike to get his horse back.