Thursday, October 2, 2014

Movie Review: Gone Girl

As soon as the credits started rolling on the movie, the old lady beside me in her Northern Reflections circa 1997 sweatshirt stood up and said,

"F*ck right off."

...and then left the theatre.

I'm with that lady. That lady knows what's up...about the movie, not about fashion. She may possibly also been wearing Crocs, I didn't get a good look.

Gone Girl is a the story of girl crazy on steroids. You know what sucks? Girls being girl crazy. You know what's terrifying? Girls on girl crazy steroids. You know what makes my blood boil? Thinking about the things that girls do when they go girl crazy. You know who I envied after watching this movie? Gay guys. They don't have to deal with this shit - ever.

You know what sucks more than knowing that you are forever part of a gender that is known for losing their minds if emotions get in the mix? Having someone tell you that you are going to see full frontal nudity from Ben Affleck in a movie and then not seeing his peen. THE RAGE.

So to recap Gone Girl: Girl goes crazy. No visual of Ben Affleck's penis. Roll credits. The End.

Verdict: 4.0 Stars 


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