Monday, January 13, 2014

Best Moments of the 2014 Golden Globes

The Golden Globes are usually the best. They're classy, but they're also given the ability to be completely out of control because the booze is free flowing and mix that with some winning adrenaline and you could get greatness.

Here are the best moments of the 2014 Golden Globes:

 Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
Amy Poelher and Tina Fey proved once again that they have what it takes to host. Here are some of their best lines....

"We are very happy to be back. We are hosting the Golden Globes for our second time. Because this is Hollywood and if something kind of works, they'll just keep doing it until everybody hates it!"

"Matt Damon is here, for Behind the Candelabra. Matt, on any other night, in any other room, you would be a big deal - but tonight, and don't take this the wrong way, you're basically a garbage person."

"Matthew McConaughey did amazing work this year. For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45 pounds. Or what actresses call 'being in a movie'."

"The Wolf of Wall Street is another nominee tonight. I really loved the film, but some of it was too graphic. I mean, if I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties."

"Gravity is nominated for Best Film. It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then to spend one more minute with a woman his own age."

"And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio."

Emma Thompson
Nominated tonight for her role in Saving Mr. Banks, Emma came on stage carrying a martini and a pair of Christian Louboutin's, showed us the famous red sole and proclaimed "I just want you to know, this red - It's my blood."

Flats for all!

Jaqueline Bisset
Jaqueline Bisset won the second award of the evening, much to her surprise. She was sitting at the very back of the room. She had to get over her shock, hug some people and then walk all the way to the stage. By the time she got there she seemed nervous and probably loaded and had the most incomprehensible speech of the evening.

Did someone let her in early to start boozing before everyone else got to the red carpet? Seriously Jackie, lay off the shots.
Leonardo Dicaprio
Not only did Leo win the Golden Globe for his role in The Wolf of Wall Street (which is great, because he's not going to win the Oscar, sorry Leo) - but he also took Fey and Poehler's supermodel vagina joke in stride and gave them a thumbs up. Because that's what real men do after someone insinuates that you only bang hot models.

Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie
The Wolf of Wall Street pair were presenting an award and the producers put the wrong script on the teleprompter. "I’m not going to lie to you. Right now, they put up the wrong stuff on the Teleprompter." At least they didn't read it.

Amy Poehler
Can she be on this list twice. Of course she can. Poehler won for best comedic actress for Parks and Rec. When the nominees were being announced you could see Bono giving her a shoulder massage. Then when they called her name she turned around and made out with him.

But seriously - someone needs to tell Bono to get rid of his Bono sunglasses. I don't care if they are associated with only him - it's time.

Aaron Paul
Breaking Bad ended this season so you knew it would take home the top TV prize and that Brian Cranston was a shoo in. I also thought Aaron Paul would take home his supporting actor category as well. He did not - it was devastating.

Luckily, when BB won for Best Drama the shows creator allowed him to speak and he gave what would have been his speech if he won as well (I would like to think) - "Yeah bitch! Thank you."

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick's daughter Sosie was Miss Golden Globe. Tina Fey jumped in after her proud parents introduced her to also introduce Mr Golden Globe - because this is a equality friendly show. He son 'Randy' was Amy Poehler looking like a dude. It was awesome - especially when he asked if Idris Alba was his dad.

First of all - it's Diddy. Second, he finds out from the winner of best score that they partied together on a boat and jumps in and tells everyone before the guy is able to go on with his speech. He then proceeds to video-bomb him.

Then there was that awkward time when he goes to hug Bono and gets dissed - that GIF will live on forever.

Johnny Depp's Hair
Does this image not bring you back to 1998 - when out of the box bleaching of a man's hair was socially acceptable? But whatever, it's Johnny. He does what he does.


Side Note: It did not escape my attention that Amy Poehler was in three of these best moments - as she would be.

1 comment:

  1. Can't forget the comment by the dude from Brooklyn 99 when he said "I was going to go to med school, but decided to do this.This is way better, way better than saving a human life"


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