Thursday, December 19, 2013

2013 News in Reivew - The Good, the Bad and the Viral

2013 was a pretty standard year. International crisis, pop-star melt downs, idiotic viral sensations, Royal births and sudden deaths. Let's take a look back at some of the biggest stories to hit the news this year (or...the ones that we still remember a couple of months later).

Ariel Castro kidnapped girls in a basement
A guy kidnapped 3 girls over a decade ago and kept them locked up in his Ohio home. One of them escaped and called the police this year. In the time that the girls were locked in the basement one of them had a kid who was 6, fathered by the captor. Castro was sentenced to life in prison and killed himself a couple of months later. Not to downplay the horrible situation - but the silver lining was the ‘hide your wife-hide your kids’ video of the year.

Jennifer Lawrence Falls
That moment we all wait for that doesn’t usually happen, well – Jennifer Lawrence delivers. While walking up the stairs to accept her Best Actress award at the Oscars she fell. It was slightly graceful and completely endearing. Jennifer Lawrence is the master of making people love her. Standing Ovation.

Old Pope resigns, new Pope takes over
Pope Benedict XVI resigned in February much to the surprise of everyone, citing health issues. (Most Popes die at the helm). His replacement was Pope Francis who has become an internationally loved guy because he hangs with the people and lets kids take selfies with him (among other things I am sure).

Royal Baby
Will it be a boy? A girl? It’s a boy! What will they name it? James? Alexander? They named it George! I wasn’t thrilled with the Royal Baby name announcement, but the people of Prince George, BC were pretty pumped. As usual Kate and Will were media pros. Only the Duchess could look that good a day later. Bitch.

RIP James Gandolfini
Tony Soprano was really dead this time. James Gandolfini was found dead in his hotel room in Rome from a heart attack in June.

Justin Trudeau takes the Liberal lead
The time may have come for the Trudeau family to become a Canadian dynasty. Justin Trudeau won the Liberal party election and is now the leader of the opposition. This is going to be more of a story in 2015 when the next federal election is supposed to take place. I am ready to be entertained Justin, do not disappoint.

Harlem Shake
The most successful viral video parodies are always going to be the ones that are the easiest to make – insert and video of the Harlem shake from 2013. A thirty second video to part of Bauuer's Harlem Shake that has one star and a bunch of people having standing seizures for 15 seconds. Easy as pie. Oh, and get me a rubber horse head mask – this is a must.

Beyonce’s Surprise Album
When I heard that Beyonce released an album I just figured I missed the memo – only no memo was ever sent. It was one of the biggest releases of the year and there was absolutely no marketing involved in hyping it up. That didn’t stop it from being one of the biggest sellers of the year. She truly is the Queen Bee.

US Government Shut Down
Obamacare. Debt Ceiling. So much is going on in American politics that it is hard to keep up. They decided to help you get up to speed by shutting down operations for a while. THE WORLD WAS COMING TO AN END…and then they figured their lives out and the parties got on with business. As we all knew they would, but it made for some pretty funny SNL skits.

Twerking and Selfie
These two words were added to the Oxford dictionary this year – providing further proof that we are all narcissistic idiots who can’t dance.

Jodi Arias trial
The media frenzy that enveloped the Jodi Arias trial this year was a zoo. The woman was charged and convicted of first degree murder after stabbing and shooting her boyfriend. She claims it was in self defense, but no one bought it. The jury couldn’t come to a unanimous decision about her sentencing so she is currently in a retrial for sentencing.

The Make-a-Wish Foundation pulled out a big win this year by giving the gift of becoming Batman to one child this year. I am so not into sentimental things like this so I totally saw it as a giant PR stunt, but pretty much everyone else in the universe thought it was the cutest thing since the ‘Charlie bit me’ video.

North West
Kanye and Kim had a spawn. I felt kind of bad for the kid – and then they revealed that they named her North…West. So rude. I am still wondering how many people called child services on them. Talk about setting your kid up to fail.

Cory Monteith's Overdose
It’s always sad when a young celebrity dies, it’s even worse when you find out that they died of a heroin overdose alone in a hotel room. Monteith’s death shed some light into a dark part of his life and the world watched as his girlfriend and fellow cast members were made to mourn on the show and in public.

George Zimmerman not guilty
Ohhhhh, the masses were pissed about this. The man who shot and killed a black teenager in the middle of the night was acquitted in the case of the murder of Trayvon Martin. Since then Zimmerman has been in trouble with the police a few times over, SURPRISE, guns.

Boston Marathon Bombings
Two brothers set off two bombs at the end of the Boston Marathon in April. Two people were killed and over 200 were injured. One of the bombers died while trying to evade the police and the other was captured. His trial is on going.

Amanda Bynes insanity
She had been a little off in the past couple of years – then she asked Drake to murder her vagina and it was all downhill from there. Word on the street is that she is doing better after checking into a facility. There may be hope for her yet. In better news – all these crazed young folks (Bieber, Cyrus, Bynes) sure did take the heat off Lindsay this year.

Edward Snowden Leaks
This story is definitely not over. Snowden, a former CIA and NSA employee leaked classified NSA information about a global surveillance program. This leak is said to be one of the most significant leaks in US history. He is currently on a year long asylum in Russia.

What does the fox say?
I don’t know why I am surprised by the popularity of this video/song. Ylvis, a comedy duo from Norway, made this video and became internet sensations after some people on content feed websites thought that this was the best thing since sliced bread. Funny song? Yes. One of the most downloaded songs of the year? Armageddon, please come end it all – we’re ready.

Khloe and Lamar Crack
The Kardashians can all go kick rocks as far as I’m concerned, but in every batch of rotten apples, is one only slightly mutilated one – in the case of the K family, that would be Khloe. Oh how I had hoped that Khloe and Lamar were the real deal. Then we find out that Lamar is a crack addict and then they got a divorce. Worst!

Nelson Mandela Passes
Nelson Mandela was sick earlier this year and a lot of people thought that he had already passed away, but in November, the former South African president passed away and the entire world mourned his death.

Big Brother Canada final vote mishap
Big Brother Canada was mildly entertaining, but had a doozy of a finale when one of the jury put her vote in for the wrong person and tried to recast her vote after it had been read. Topaz – you’re an embarrassment to Toronto. Go stand in the corner with Rob Ford.

Paula Deen racist?
Who would have thought that this lovable old lady of the South was a racist. Actually I shouldn’t say that, I don’t know if she actually is, but shit hit the fan when it came out that she used the N word. One word and the whole deep fried empire falls to the ground.

North Korea's empty threats
Do you remember earlier in the year when people thought North Korea was going to go nuclear on South Korea and possibly the States. No? Well it turned out to be nothing, but there were a couple of days when I was thinking – you send Dennis Rodman over to a country, and THIS is what happens. Figures.

Paul Walker dies in Car Crash
Paul Walker was one of he main characters of the very successful Fast and Furious franchise…so it was ironic that he died in a car accident. He was not the driver of the car, but still – a very surreal situation. He was hands down the most beautiful person to pass away this year.

Murder of Hannah Montana
Miley Cyrus was finally able to kill off the Hannah Montana shadow that was following her for the past few years. After mild attempts to sweep the evidence of her existence under a rug, Miley decided that it was better to just light any trace of her on fire, with a blow torch, in front of the whole world. Atta girl Miley.

World Wide Water Destruction
Indonesia, the Philippines, Vietnam, Argentina, Southern Alberta, Colorado and North India were all hit by mother natures water wrath this year. The Philippines and Vietnam getting hit by a typhoon late in the year and the rest encountering major flooding that cost billions of dollars in damage and took thousands of lives.

To Russia, no love
Russia's stance on homosexuality acceptance has made headlines this year heading into the year that they will be hosting the Olympics. The controversy has reached new extremes with reports of violence and abuse. Both Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and US President Obama have stated that they will not be attending the Olympics in 2014.

And the best/worst story of the year a land slide:

Rob Ford Smokes Crack - Still Mayor, Still Gross
Toronto made headlines all over the world after their Mayor was caught on video smoking crack cocaine. Controversy seemed to have surrounded Ford for years, but this year was just the cherry on top of his disaster of a life.

Early in the year a video surfaced of him smoking crack which then disappeared. Gawker attempted a crowdfunded campaign to buy the tape from the drug dealers who had it and ended up losing contact with the dirt bags (I mean they were hanging out with Rob Ford, are we at all surprised that they turned out to be sketchy?).

A few months later the police got the video and confirmed to the mass public that Ford was smoking what looked like crack in the video. Ford then admits publicly to smoking crack, tells the world to get over it and then asks people to vote for him in the next election in 2014. If it wasn’t real life, I’d say that show should win an Emmy.


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