Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Drake's video for Hold On, We're Going Home as described in play-by-play

Drake released his music video for Hold On, We're Going Home. It's a mini movie. I decided to give you a play-by-play of my thoughts the first time I watched it. Enjoy.

  • 0:15 - Miami 1985. That seems like a stupid year to do anything. Is that a relevant year? No time to Wiki.
  • 0:33 - What is this guy wearing on his head? Is he supposed to be a thug? I hate it.
  • 0:40 - Stop talking. Why is this guy still talking? Is he congratulating them on winning a high school football game? What is going on here? 'A lot of balls and a lot of heart'...did they win at Dodgeball?
  • 0:50 - He just wished he wasn't so ugly. What does that have to do with anything? I mean, I wish he was more attractive as well, but who cares?
  • 1:00 - Wheel chair Jimmy seems like a bad actor. I mean...was he this bad on Degrassi
  • 1:08 - Hum, is this the token gay guy? I don't know what the story is yet...or if it calls for a token gay guy.
  • 1:33 - So...I'm assuming this is an escort? Cause she can't be waiting for one of those guys to come home and nail her. It looks like their party just got started so she may have put on a ton of make up right before bed for no reason.
  • 1:35 - GRILLZ!
  • 1:50 - How long is the chord on that phone...no seriously, it's never ending. Someone is going to trip on that.
  • 2:10 - The token gay guy seems a little sketchy.
  • 2:43 - Oh music, right I forgot this was a music video.
  • 3:00 - Drake is in all white - clearly I am getting the symbolism. PROTAGONIST.
  • 3:15 - SO MANY GUNS. There is no way he knows that many people...he really should just start buying bullets. More cost effective.
  • 3:32 - Token gay guy is totally bad! NAILED IT. Also, may not be gay, standby.
  • 3:42 - Why is everyone using rotary phones? I hate that shit is retro...I'm pretty sure they had moved on from rotary in 1985. Did I read the date wrong? Faaaack. To lazy to rewind.
  • 4:07 - Oh gawd, is the scary eastern European guy there to rape her? He looks scary. My guess is no, Drake wouldn't go there. I will now call him Boris. He looks like a Boris.
  • 4:28 - According to the range rover type vehicle it could most definitely be late 80s. WHY THE ROTARY PHONES!? Rage.
  • 4:32 - All good gangster scenes go down at a shipping yard, obviously.
  • 4:44 - Drake has extremely good aim with that machine gun. Yeah right.
  • 4:46 - Boris is the WORST guard in the history of gang movies.
  • 4:55 - Oh snap token gay guy - you just got served a bullet in the back of the head by Drake and he don't miss.
  • 5:07 - Smart. Shoot up the place in the dark where they are storing your girlfriend. Maybe she was just his escort. Clearly they don't care.
  • 5:33 - I can't believe nothing has exploded yet. Don't things usually explode in gangster gun fights?
  • 5:45 - Why is the king bad guy in the gun fight? The old man godfather types usually hide out in the back room. This guy is way to into it.
  • 5:56 - Boris is having trouble finding the escort.
  • 6:05 - Drake's woman went WWE on Boris with a chair. BOOM.
  • 6:12 - Boris is pissed....oh no.
  • 6:19 - OH there's the explosion. F I'm good.
  • 6:27 - Boris is strangling her. 
  • 6:32 - Oh no you di'nt! Drake blows his face off. Don't mess with Drizzy's woman.
  • 6:53 - Finally Drake puts some covering on that broad. Wrap it up ho.
  • 7:00 - The good gang leaves...of course they wait for the sun to rise because hanging out at the crime scene is always important.
The end.


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