Sunday, August 11, 2013

Get ready for Fall 2013 with this series finale refresher (SPOILERS)

The Fall TV season premieres are going to air in the next month or so...but can you remember as far back as April or May when some shows left you hanging? Cliffhangers are the worst, but almost just as bad are shows that let the protagonist make a very giant decision in the season finale and then we have to sit around for an entire summer, watching garbage reality TV, waiting to find out what the outcome will be. Torture.

For those of you who drank your selves into a summer coma, or just have a really terrible memory, I will try to refresh your memory of some of TVs most popular season endings.

(SPOILER ALERT!!!...there are spoilers past this point. Like, lots and lots of spoilers if you haven't watch the finales of these shows)
As far as cliffhangers go, the worst are the ones that leave you hanging thinking that someone has died. Did they? Didn't they? There really should be laws against doing this - I have suffered more emotional trauma from this than any other misstep in my life.

So, whose life is hanging in the balance?...

The Following
Agent Parker died after being buried alive and Ryan and Mike are too late to save her. Total sad face moment of the season. Then it was off to get Claire...and of course Ryan goes by himself. He gets in a scuffle with Caroll and Caroll dies in a fire. Well supposedly, everything points to him dying, but I would NOT be surprised if he showed up next season with a burnt off face or something. But the big cliffhanger was the fate of Ryan and Claire after they are stabbed in Ryan's home by his neighbour/former lover who is actually part of the Following. Dun dun dun. Are the cops who are stationed outside going to come in and save them or will the b*tch continue to knife them until they are cold and lifeless on the floor?

Revenge
Revenge
Who is Victoria's son? Did Daniel kill Aiden? Will Nolan get convicted for the blackout? Will Jack pistol-whip Emily for telling him that she is actually Amanda? So many questions need to be answered when this show comes back on. Obviously the biggest question is what is going to happen with Jack and Emily now that he knows who she is. Or will he even believe her. I am not really interested in the Victoria's son story line - boring. I would like to know if Aiden died. Any eye-candy TV death is tragic. I also would like to know how Nolan will get out of his current bind, not 'if' but 'how'.

Grey's Anatomy
Is Richard dead? Well, yes because Shonda aka the god of Grey's said someone would die and Richard on the floor in the basement after fixing the power outage in the building means the Chief is gone. It's like she killed the show father. So wrong. You may also recall Meredith almost dying and Jackson nearly getting blown up by a bus. Next season we will get to see Meredith being a mother (cause she really doesn't do much with her adopted kid), Cristina being single again (and not get back together with Owen, please - it's getting old), April figuring out her life because she is in love with Jackson and engaged to the ambulance dude, Alex being a boyfriend to the poor girl and Callie and Arizona being on the outs and worst of all Bailey being a complete mess because Richard died.

And then there are the love triangles. You love those right? Especially when someone is given a choice and they MUST choose...but not until next season, if ever.

New Girl
New Girl
Cece's Wedding day ended with her fiancee running off with Taylor Swift and Cece telling Schmidt that she is in love with him in front of his current/past girlfriend Elizabeth. CLIFFHANGER! Who will Schmidt choose? Cause he ran off before we could get an answer in that episode. Nick and Jess get together, then they break up and then they get back together outside of the wedding. If this turns into an 'on again off again' Ross and Rachel type relationship I will be annoying. I am already annoyed just thinking about it. 

Hart of Dixie
The biggest shocker of the season finale of Hart of Dixie: knowing that there would be another season to follow. I mean, I know I watch the show in shame every week, but I just assume no one else is dumb enough to do the same. Obviously I am not alone. So the love triangle of Zoe, Wade and George will never end apparently. George seems to be over the whole thing, thank God. Wade is not. He professes his love to Zoe and she is like "peace, I'm going to New York." There may be another person to add to the love triangle (which will soon be a friggin octagon I am sure) Jonah Breeland. Obviously, the cousin of Zoe's nemisis - how would he not be included in this puzzle? Zoe and Jonah go to a wedding together...and then? They bang? I don't know, just reading between the lines here.

Castle
Castle
Castle and Beckett. Did you see that one coming? Castle proposes to Beckett at the end of the season finale. We see her face and...the screen goes black. Jerk move ABC. For real.

Then there are the finales that something happens in the last episode that will change the trajectory of the show...and how will that shape the next season?!

The Big Bang Theory
How will Raj take on the world now that he can speak to the world without booze? It's what we are all thinking going into next season. At the end of last season Raj and Penny sit on the couch talking about how sad they were that Lucy broke up with Raj and how Leonard went on a boat expedition with Stephen Hawking for four months. At the end Raj proclaims that he didn't drink any booze - AND HE IS TALKING TO PENNY. Holy mother of science!
The Mindy Project
The Mindy Project
Will Mindy and Danny ever get together? That is basically the question one asks themselves at the end of each episode and at the end of every one of Mindy's awkward relationships. And then she goes off and starts dating the rapping minister, which is just weird enough on its own without the whole dating a high maintenance Hindu doctor thing. The season ended with Casey proclaiming he was moving to Haiti to be a missionary and Mindy deciding for some screwed reason that it was a good idea to go with him (him being her boyfriend of three months - huh?). No decision comes easy for Mindy however and she flip flops on the idea until the end of the episode where she cuts her hair short to say 'NO! I really want to go!'. But that is not the end, the end is her and Danny in the doctors lounge sharing a 'moment' and then her telling him she is going to Haiti. If we spend ANY time in Haiti next season I am going to be annoyed. And her hair better be back to full length - cause right now it is unbearable.

How I Met Your Mother
HOW WE MET THE MOTHER. So the end of last season was a shot of 'the mother' buying a train ticket. And we saw her face and everything. Not really a cliffhanger, more like a 'OK this game is almost over people, we are in the final stretch of finding out who this huss is."

There are the shows that focus on one subject the whole season and at the end it gets wrapped up...and um, so...what's next?

Arrow
Arrow
Curses. I love shows with many fine men in the cast...this is why I watch garbage produced by The CW. So I cannot understand when they kill off the hot characters. WHY? Soon you will be no good to me CW. In the finale Malcolm's plan to level the Glades goes off and Tommy is killed while saving Laurel who is a stupid idiot who didn't leave her office when her dad told her too. So she basically killed Tommy and now I hate her (just kidding, I hated her before - obviously). Malcolm also dies. So what will happen next season? Like, literally...the story is done. Good thing about superhero shows, they can always create some ridiculous villain to go after.

Elementary
Cliffhanger? That's not how they roll over at team Sherlock. The first season of the show ended with a 2 hour finale that wrapped up everything to do with the sole driver of Sherlock. They found out who Moriarty was and arrested her. The end. What the hell are they going to do next season? OK, maybe that question is the cliffhanger.


Then there are the shows that end basically end the same as they have every other season, focusing on the same problem(s) as they have before and you are like - over it...but dammit, I just can't stay away.

Homeland
Homeland
Basically the entire CIA except Carrie and Saul died in the season finale after a bomb went off at the Vice Presidents funeral. A video was released that was made from the first time Brody was supposed to kill everyone that makes it look like Brody was the one behind the bomb. Carrie takes him to a road to get to Canada and then goes back and sees Saul. So...what is going to happen with Brody? Like seriously, is he still bad? And what about Carrie? Is she going to go crazy again? I am stressed out just thinking about it.
The Mentalist
Who is Red John? They are supremely lucky that there are other story lines going on in this show because I would be putting my head through a wall if it was just all about RJ. I mean, it kind of is, but they deviate often which I appreciate. We are down to seven names...all of which RJ knows that Jane has thought of because he got Lorelei to record them on a video before he killed her. And that is where we left off last season. Will next season be the one...the one where they finally get him? Please God, PLEASE. (My bet, probably not.)

The Vampire Diaries
The Vampire Diaries
This show is more friggin' dramatic than Grey's Anatomy, it puts Shonda Rhimes to shame. It is also getting so ridiculous it makes you reminisce to that awful soap opera Passions and the talking doll child Timmy. And yes, I am aware that it is a show about vampires and other fantasy characters. Elena and Damon are together (for like five seconds I assume, that bitch can't just have one dude), Klaus has 'allowed' Tyler to come back and bone Caroline on the reg, Matt is now with Rebecca (huh?), Bonnie is dead, Jeremy is un-dead (seriously, just STAY DEAD ALREADY) and the best twist of all? Stefan is Silas' doppelganger and Silas locks him in a box and drowns him before (I assume) taking over his life. So, that's what you get to start next season with. No Bonnie.

And then there are the shows you forgot ended. Or maybe you didn't...I almost forgot about this one.

The Office
This is just a reminder that The Office ended last season. I know you remember, but it's one of those things. You know, when your great aunt dies and you never really hung out with her that much after she got old and started wearing Depends...but every so often something reminds you of her and you are like, "oh shoot, I forgot she died." That is what it feels like when I think of The Office. Oh shoot it's over...forever.

I hope this little list was a good refresher for the premieres to come! I don't even know what question I want answered the most. OK fine, it's true - I really want to know how Schmidt deals with his Cece/Elizabeth choice.

XOXO
Jes...

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