Monday, February 11, 2013

The 55th Annual Grammy Awards - As told by photo captions

Taylor Swift opening the show with some weird circus/Tim Burton-Esq costume choices while singing We Are Never Getting Back Together. It identified well with Swifty's current identity crisis. AKA. it was not at all country....

J Lo got the "don't show your skin and come on down to the Amish Grammys" memo...but opted for this almost chatch revealing dress. She was obviously channeling Angelina Jolie's leg.

No this photo is not circa 2008...this is Rihanna and Chris Brown being all together and shit at the Grammys. Barf. (People on both sides look like - 'Oh eff, please don't let me be associated with this photo.')

Adele won the first Grammy of the live show - Best Pop Solo Performance...for a live version of a song that wouldn't be eligible if it was off her original album. That's how awesome Adele is. Oh, and she accepted it while wearing a dress made from your grandma's curtains.

The most famous photo of the night had to be this one circulating on Twitter of Ellen checking out Katy Perry's ladies during a break on the show. They were out there for all the world to observe, so you can't really blame her.

If you are not a fan of the We Are Young songwriters fun. then you probably wondered how they won all of those awards tonight. LOOK NO FURTHER. Chalk it all up to a case of the Lena Dunham magical fairy dust. She is currently dating one of the band members. (That's her in yellow).

LL Cool J hosted the show. At the beginning he talked about hosting it last year...that happened? I guess so. He made reference how it became the Whitney Houston show and he didn't get to talk about himself a lot so he was making up for lost time. It was very self involved. And then he continued to talk about Twitter the whole night and said 'hashtag' about 50 times. That was awful.

Ed Sheeran (my favorite British Ging) and Elton John sang A Team, which is a Sheeran song. It was awesome. It would have been more awesome if Elton had just played the piano and didn't sing, but I think the point here was that North America is not really familiar with Ed and they thought it would go over better if they had a Sir to ease him into the public eye. Whatever, Ed is dope.

Frank Ocean won the Best Urban Contemporary Album in which he was nominated with Chris Brown. As you can see as Frank walks on stage every person is standing...except Chris Brown who is seated in white. This may be because, according to people in the building, when Chris Brown's name was announced as a nominee there was dead silence in the building...and then a standing O when Frank's name got called for the win. I would say that was the industry passively saying "F-CK YOU CHRIS BROWN". It is kind of beautiful actually. Also, note that Adele is looking over at Chris Brown like, "You little ass hole." Air high fives to Adele.

Jay Z, while keeping to his 'I could give two f-cks about this awards show' attitude got his photo taken whilst drinking some dark liquor out of his trophy. Next awards show I think they should have Jay off to the side sitting in some sort of throne heckling all of the winners. It would be amazing.

Kelly Clarkson surprisingly won Best Pop Album. I was surprised, but definitely not disappointed. She did a weird rambling little speech, said something about not knowing one of the performers - which pissed people off, but I couldn't be bothered to look up the correct spelling of his name, so I'm with Kelly on this one.

The Return of JT. Justin Timberlake made his big comeback tonight. I will say I was quite bored with his performance. Maybe it was the falsetto, which has been killed by the 'other' Justin, or that the songs are really not as dynamic as they should be. I mean, I could watch JT all day don't get me wrong, but I am not sure this was the big comeback we were all expecting.

Zac Brown tweeted this picture after they won the award for Best Country Album...just in case people didn't believe the award was meant for them after Kelly Clarkson, who presented the award, called them the Zach Braff Band. Zach Braff has a band right? That totally seems like something he would have.

Prince walked out and everyone thought that he had developed blindness. But it was just Prince being Prince, ie. weird. If tomorrow night I decided to walk around in the dark with my sunglasses and a white walking stick people would think I was being a total bitch - but it's Prince. He can do anything.

Taylor Swift sees that Prince has lost his sight and starts to raise the roof. This is not a joke. If only I had a GIF of this, my life would be complete.

Carrie Underwood had an underwhelming performance and tried to distract us with her light show dress. It totally worked, I don't even remember what she sang as I sat there bewildered that someone that needs light-up dress gimmicks was able to beat Eric Church's Springsteen for country solo performance. Travesty.

Kelly Clarkson was on FIRE with memorable moments. This was probably her best by far, the Ellen and Portia photo bomb. I also love Portia's edgy look. I always thought she was the clean cut one. Strange.

I am guessing Rihanna was getting annoyed with all of the dirty looks her and her abusive (former or present, I cannot confirm) boyfriend were getting from...the entire world...and decided to show us what she thought of it. Got it, thanks.

Frank Ocean performed his song Forest Gump - but it was pretty bad...or maybe atrocious. Let's just say it was out of tune.


1 comment:


    almost! heh :)


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