Friday, February 22, 2013

Movie Review: A Good Day to Die Hard

NOTE: The spoilers in this review should not make you shy away from reading it...wouldn't you rather me just tell you than waste 1.5 hours of your life on garbage? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Sometimes I think the producers watch a cut of their movie, throw their hands up in the air and say "Screw it, there is no way to make this work," but then still release it because they know people are stupid enough to give them back their $92 million investment. Whatever the case, A Good Day to Die Hard is the failure of the Die Hard franchise - a horrific and utter failure.


I literally spent the last three minutes of the film in a state of complete anguish. I sat in my seat rocking back and forth whispering 'that was so bad, that was so bad' over and over again while looking at the ceiling because I couldn't bare to scar my eyes with what will surely be the end of this long running franchise. If everyone else in the theatre wasn't thinking the exact same thing they probably would have thought I was insane.

What was so wrong with John McClane's latest adventure? Besides everything? Let me tell you.

First, the story line is so vague and unbelievable I am having an aneurysm just thinking about it. When I say unbelievable, it is not like the normal unbelievability of the Die Hard movies.  They had that, don't get me wrong - ridiculous car chases, escaping death dozens of times, action sequences that are in no way possible - but the story itself was such a jumbled mess that I couldn't believe it either.

You know when you miss the first 10 minutes of a movie and you are lost because you missed the foundation of the story? That is how you will feel while watching this mess from start to finish.

In this movie, McClane goes to Russia because his son got arrested for a wrap sheet of illegal indiscretions and he is going to get him out of jail (or so one thinks...that whole part was very blurry and didn't make sense). What he doesn't know is that his son is actually in the CIA and has been undercover in Russia for three years - oh, and he speaks fluent Russian.

How is it that a detective thought that his son was into mafia like activities and had no idea that he was actually in the CIA? Does that not seem weird to anyone else? I mean, they did their best to dumb down his character like he really was the idiot father that new nothing, but that is not the John McClane we all know and love.

The previous John McClane had a certain charm. He was a cowboy who got down, dirty and bloody. In the 4th installment they based it around his inability to change with the computerized times. He was the older more technology illiterate cop who somehow still managed to save America from the viral terrorists. It was a stretch, but it worked(ish). He was still a likable character and, even though he didn't fully get the tech stuff, he was still smart.

In this, he seems like an old man running around with his head chopped off, completely out of his element and still trying to be the bad ass. It was really confusing. I felt like he was confused as to what exactly his identity was supposed to be in this movie. Was he supposed to be the same old bad ass McClane, or were we supposed to buy that his son was being ushered in as the new and improved version of himself? - cause that will NOT fly, let me just scrap that idea from your head right now. Absolutely not.

To add to the confusion, halfway through the movie he started to complain about how he was on vacation every time something bad happened...but it was quite clear up unto that point that he was there with the purpose of getting his son, not to visit the Kremlin. So...um, that was weird/annoying.

The relationship between him and his son is strained (or, non-existent RE: the not knowing about the CIA thing)...but unlike his relationship with his daughter in the 4th movie (she hates him etc etc) there wasn't chemistry or emotion. Does he hate his dad? Not sure. Does he like his dad? Don't think so. Is he completely indifferent? I am leaning towards this one, but I know that is not the right answer. Just no chemistry. I got more from Wilson in Castaway.

Now onto the writing...

Holy Hannah this is the longest review ever - I can't take it anymore. Don't see this movie, just don't. Let's just throw this in the closet with all the other movies we wish had been stopped before the 'let's talk about this idea over lunch' creative meeting took place. Let's burn the memory from our minds and hope to God Bruce Willis is able to redeem himself in the future (just not as John McClane).

Verdict: 1.5 Stars (for the explosions...whoever lit those bombs needs some kind of recognition).

XOXO
Jes...

2 comments:

  1. We saw it last week. I went in with low expectations and thought it was okay. No, it's not an awesome movie but it was entertaining.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A true hard core action packed film for action lover, Bruce Willis will blow your mind like Dir Hard first part, even at this age of life....

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