Thursday, January 10, 2013

OSCAR TRAVESTY: Ben Affleck Robbed (A letter to...)

Dear Academy,

I am writing you today in response to your Oscar nominations which were announced this AM.

It's pretty hard to blind side me. I am a natural born pessimist. If you think something going to be perfect, I remind you how it may possibly blow up in your face. To some, this is annoying, to me, it is a gift.

Your nominations sometimes blow, but I am usually able to predict who you will donkey punch and who you will give undeserved praise to. There are some things that are as easy to predict as the law of gravity. Will I wake up this morning and want to go back to sleep? Yes. Will it be cold in January? Yes. Will Chris Kirkpatrick go down in history as the lamest boyband member of all time? Absolutely.

You messed with the law of logic this morning because I was sure...no, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE, that Ben Affleck was going to get a Best Director Oscar nomination for Argo. There wasn't a question. I thought it was possible that he may not win...because if I were you, I too would be extremely jealous of his combined beauty and talent, it almost isn't right. But I think you are going a little bit 'middle school girl hissy fit' by not giving him at least a nomination.

SO RUDE.

And don't think that you made up for it by giving Argo a bunch of nominations in categories that people don't care about, as well as Supporting Actor and Best Picture. I am glad you enjoyed Alan Arkin's performance, he's dope, but I am not letting this taint my rage one bit.

That's all I have to say about you Academy. I will let some other person tell the world about your offside nominations.

XOXO
Jes...

Side Note: Dear Ben, Heart you and your work. Screw the haters. XO

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