Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Bachelor Canada: After the Final Rose, a letter to Whitney

Dear Whitney,

Last night on The Bachelor Canada: After the Final Rose you took your last bow before the country. It was good to see that you hadn't done anything drastic to yourself after the Barbados disaster where Brad kicked you off the show before the final rose ceremony. I mean...part of me thought that maybe you would have got your eyebrows fixed for this episode, but there they were - all giant and shit - as usual.

Speaking of your eyebrows, I noticed that you were talking about people writing stuff about you online in regards to the face-bushes you sport on a daily basis.

"But then there’s the people who hide behind the computer that are this big huge tough guy who think that they think know me. No, you don’t know me. They will say something about my eyebrows..."

Did you know "Bachelor Canada Whitney Eyebrows" is a popular Google search? Well it is. I am not the only one that has written about it. In fact, I am pretty sure any time you ever come up in an article you could Ctrl+F 'eyebrows' and they would pop up somewhere in the article.

Yes, I am one of the people that have 'said something about your eyebrows', but at what point did I, or any other person, ever say that we knew you?  I sure as hell never did. Whitney, I don't have to know you to know that your eyebrows are ridic. That's a fact.

Anyways, moving on. Are you glad that this whole thing is over? You no longer have to pretend that you like Brad. That's a plus right?

Was it because his tendency to cry, like, every five minutes? I know you weren't down with that. I could see it all over your face when you snuck into his hotel room before you got picked for the one-on-one date and he started telling you the hardships of his life all whilst crying.

Where was that one-on-one date again? Oh right, Penticton. The date in which you told Tyler you realized this was not happening. Did you actually mean to say the cry fest before that date? Because that is completely understandable.

So after you said that you weren't feeling it after week 4, the studio audience was not pleased. Did they BOO you? I can't remember. Honesty is not always the best policy Whit, especially when it comes to people who get emotionally invested in reality TV.

They don't understand that most of the people who go on these reality dating shows are doing it to be famous. 80% of them probably have no connection with the person they are trying to win over whatsoever, but they pretend...and they do it a lot better than you did. Hell, you tried to get Brad to axe you from the show once before he finally did it. Don't even tell me you were upset when he asked you to go home. You were relieved...I mean, you may have been a little pissed that he beat you to the punch, but you didn't like him so whatever. It was essentially his show, so he gets to do the dumping, not you.

So how did you fare after all of this? Not great, but it could be worse. You could live in a small town in the middle of nowhere where everyone knows who you are and you will be forever immortalized as the inarticulate girl who got dissed by the first ever crying Bachelor.

Fortunately for you, you live in a city full of people who don't like seem like they are interested in their surroundings. They will walk by a completely naked person in the +15s and not even bat an eyelash. That's just how we roll here in the greatest city in the country. Don't expect me to even give you a second glance if I pass you on the street. I can't miss those eyebrows, but in Calgary, we don't gawk.


1 comment:

  1. This letter was awesome I'm sorry but Whitney was a whack job trying to make it out to be brad who couldn't communicate. She sits in front of his family dumb founded like she doesn't know how to speak, and has that dumb look on her face. Girl you didn't kick him to the curb he booted you there, and good on you Brad you deserved way better.


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