Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Dear People Magazine - Don't Screw this Up - Again (Letter to...)

Dear People Magazine,

I feel like I have this conversation with you every year. It also feels one sided - how come you never reply to my rants against your decision making skills?! Every year I beg and plead for you to choose a legitimate guy for your 'Sexiest Man Alive' selection and year after year you fail me. (Except for 2011 when you chose correctly - Ryan Reynolds, yum.)

Last year was the biggest travesty yet when you chose Bradley Cooper to be your cover boy instead of my lover Ryan Gosling. How dare you.

I wasn't the only one who was pissed. Do you remember that group of people who picketed outside of your offices, calling foul on your disregard for the sexiness of Ryan Gosling? I bet they'll be back this year with blow torches if you fail them again.

Speaking of you failing yet again. Word on the street is that you are going to name Channing Tatum as this years 'man of sex'. This is just wrong. I do agree that Tatum's body is a piece of art, but as far as the whole package goes, he wouldn't even make my top 10 list.

I think this is a lazy choice. Yeah, you heard me. Lazy. One movie was made about male strippers and you just assume because he was the best of the lot that we are all going to give you a standing O for a selection well made? False.

Sit your ass down and start sifting through the rest of those head shots. I can, off the top of my head, throw out at least 5 other names that are better suited and I don't even think that any of these should be your number one.
  1. Ryan Gosling - you robbed him last year. I will not take 'he declined the honor' as an excuse anymore. You can't decline being sexy Ryan. You just can't.
  2. Justin Timberlake - Even though he is forever off the market ('forever' being used loosely, obviously) should we not show him he is always bringing sexy back?
  3. Robert Downey Jr. - Seriously, is it not time you show RDJ some love? Was Avengers not one of the biggest movies of the year? RDJ was Avengers.
  4. Matt Bomer - if you MUST pick someone from Magic Mike, at least pick the hottest guy. Also, first openly gay Sexiest Man? 'Bout time.
  5. David Beckham - It is beyond me how this magnificent creature has never been given the title.
Do you see all the other options out there? This is just scratching the surface, but I swear - you need to dig deeper next year (as we all know you have already screwed up this year).

Get it together People. No one likes a lazy publication.

UPDATE: You have announced what we already knew. Channing Tatum is your 'Sexiest Man Alive'. Tisk. Below Channing when he was a real stripper  - next time don't confuse 'Sexy' with people who work in the borderline 'sex industry'. Please and thanks.

XOXO
Jes...

Side note: If you are thinking that stripper picture looks weird, I agree. I think it's real and if it is not, well let's just pretend it is. I am trying to make a point here.

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