Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Bachelor Canada Week 6: If you like Brad, please pack your bags

Tonight on the Bachelor Canada (said in the voice of Ryan Seacrest as if we were watching Idol)...Who will Brad choose?! The emotionally strangled Whitney with her huge eyebrows and boobs that float in the hot tub? The hardest to get - you are pretty much never going to get her so stop trying - Bianka, whose claim to fame was dating a guy who got dumped by Kim Kardashian? OR the down to earth girl who is a lot like him - super nice and kind of boring? Dun dun dun...

First date was with Bianka. They go out in near a glacier in a double kayak and Bianka freaks out because the waves are big. I went double kayaking with my dad once and sea lions attacked us and I flipped out too...and when I say attacked us I mean they were like 20 feet away and were of no threat what-so-ever...as were those waves that you were so terrified of. They go back to land and act like they just survived a shipwreck.

Once beached, Brad chips ice off a glacier chuck that is on the beach and makes them martinis. I'd have to watch it again, but I am pretty sure there was dirt floating around in the glasses. Pure class.

They have a moment when Bianka opens her "Wanna Bone" or, as the show likes to call it "The Fantasy Suite Invitation" letter. Bianka does the typical "um, not sure..." hard to get thing that she does every single week. But then, obviously, agrees to boning.

Next date was Kara. They shoot rifles at frisbees or whatever that shizz is called...also classy. It's all, 'YAY we're shooting guns and asking each other stupid questions which elicit bland dull answers. We are perfect for each other!' Then they go into a house and Brad gives the Fantasy Suite invite - Kara is excited, obviously and Brad is like - meh, I don't like when people actually like me.

Last date is with Eyebrows. They go and catch lobster. Fun - not. Would have been cool if one of them got clamped by a lob, but they came out unscathed. Then they went into a hot tub and Whitney got all emotionally closed off - again.

Next they go to the bang bang room and all is well ...until the next morning when Whitney has some big time morning after regret and calls her sister and basically between the lines states that she doesn't really like Brad.

Rose ceremony time. Tyler Harcott comes out for his five second appearance (seriously...how much does he get paid? His appearance to payment ratio has got to be HUGE.) and Brad picks his ladies. As soon as he picks Bianka you know Kara is going home.

Bianka and Whitney get roses and then Whitney, before Brad can escort Kara off the premises, asks to have a moment with Brad. Honest to God this girl is unreal, but Brad is also unreal because I am PRETTY sure she is 'between the lines' telling him that she doesn't really want to be there and he is like "You're being selfish to Kara right now." Do you not have ears? Eyebrows wants you to put her on a plane back to Calgs so she can resume her job as a lunch time waitress at the Cactus Club in the NE - THAT'S HOW MUCH SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

Anyways...there is a small moment when we were all thinking, "Is she going to give back the rose?!" Which would have been hella weird for Kara. Does he then give it to her? Or is the show over - Bianka wins without even meeting the parents?

Lucky for us Brad has the inability to actually listen and throws Kara in to a car anyways. Gotta hand it to Kara, classy broad. She took it like a pro. I wish her well.

So now he has two girls left, neither of which is wife/girlfriend/legit human material and he will either A) Not pick either of them B) We will be the first of the Bachelor franchise to have a 'winner' decline to take the rose or C) The engagement is called off before the After the Final Rose live show is even taped.

Next week is the Women Tell All. It could get ugly. Or it could be a kitten fight - we shall see.

XOXO
Jes...

1 comment:

  1. The best bit was when you wrote about how they shot rifles at frisbees. It's clay pigeon shooting! Wish I was in Canada to watch. Ha ha, oh and love that Cactus Club was mentioned.

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