Thursday, November 22, 2012

Bachelor Canada Finale: Who does Brad Choose?

Well if that wasn't one giant reality show disappointment, I don't know what was. The Bachelor Canada ended tonight with golden boy Brad Smith walking down a Barbados beach with his newly ringed lady while Bryan Adam's Heaven blasted over a montage of their 'relationship'. 

This is not how it was supposed to end! It was supposed to end with Brad in tears because the girl that he ended up choosing said, 'No go' to his proposal. There was a chance here for something great and unexpected to happen, but they failed us. Brad and Bianka, I think you owe this country an apology.

I must clarify that the night did, in fact, end in tears because, let's be real, we are dealing with Brad 'I feel like crying is a completely acceptable way to express my every emotion' Smith. First there were tears and then we even got a little bit of an ugly cry. This was by far the BEST thing to come out of this whole episode.

The episode itself had some drama. Whitney, the 'administrative assistant is code for waitress at the Cactus Club' girl, got to meet his pearl necklace wearing mother and draped cardigan adorning Senator father in the most awkward family gathering ever. Whitney didn't really talk...and his family was just looking at her like she stepped off a ship from Mars. It was either because she wasn't talking, or because they were envisioning what hers and Brad's children would look like if they had the misfortune of inheriting her eyebrows.

Brad's sister was not a fan of the Whit, I was not a fan of Brad's sister's hair and Whitney was not a fan of questions being asked in her presence. All around non-fans in the first family gathering.

Bianka's trip to Casa de la Smith was a little more normal. The Senator wasn't there for her meeting, but the family seemed to love her. Nothing really to report, as usual, from Bianka's meeting. Boring.

Then Bianka and Brad had a date in Barbados...Brad cried, obviously and Bianka was like, "I love you." And I was like, "Way to go sister, seal the deal." Girl played him like a fiddle the entire show.

Whitney had a date with him and it was a jumbled mess of Whitney not saying anything and Brad being like, "What are you thinking, I can't spell out your entire life to you." And it was raining - foreshadowing.

Brad decided that he was going to cut Whitney loose after the date and goes to her hotel room. She answers the door and he tells her he needs to talk to her and she is like, "Me first" and then he tries to say "it's over" but she shuts herself in the closet or bathroom or whatever it was. Then she comes out and starts to ramble and I think..."Did he just get her right after she snorted an ounce of blow? What the hell is wrong with this girl?!"

Then she walks away and Brad tries to follow her and she says something about "respecting herself" and then she leaves. It was very very strange.

I came to realize this episode that Whitney is the most inarticulate person on the face of the earth. I am embarrassed for Calgary. Is this how the rest of the country now perceives us? Just note that if you ask ME a question, I will give you a hilarious yet thoughtful and intelligent response. Whitney on the other hand will look at you and squint.

Anyways, that was the end of Eyebrows.

The next day he proposes to Bianka while ugly crying. It is actually the sickest thing I have ever seen. She says yes and then they take a stroll down the beach.

Now the perfect ending would have been Bianka going, "Hummmm, umm, yeah - I'm not sure. Can I think about it?" and then Brad could have really ugly cried for a reason. Unfortunately for us, they were going for the romantic ending.

I don't want to start making bets just yet about when they will break up. I am going to wait for the After the Final Rose which airs next week.


1 comment:

  1. Great article Jes. I give it a year tops. Bianka is gonna bust his onions and ruin him first. So... Good luck to the newly happy couple!?

    I tried very hard to side with Whitney the whole time but last night I had my ugly puzzled look on watching her weird 'come chase me respectfully' break-up. What just happened? Who broke up with who, again?

    I believe most people from Calgary are intelligent, thoughtful people.

    Brad and Bianka are up next on BT Toronto. We'll see...


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