Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Concert Review: Carrie Underwood in Calgary (A Letter to...)

Dear Ticket Holders of section 214 at the Carrie Underwood concert in Calgary on October 2, 2012 (particularly the back section),

Carrie Underwood concert last night, hey. Kind of so-so right? Or do you not agree? It is possible that I think this because I was extremely tired when I arrived at the Dome and suffered from a major case of stairs-exhaustion by the time I got to my seat. Grandma in seat 5 row 24 knows what I'm talking about…girl, you almost had a heart attack on your way up the stairs – we all saw that shit.

You know who else almost had a heart attack last night? Me. All due to the fact that I was sitting next to two of the most obnoxious Woo Girls I have ever encountered and I was unable to break their faces.  You two each had the vocal chords of twenty rabid hyenas. You know who you are! If you didn't look like you were 14 years old (which you probably are – 15 max) this would have been an entirely different recap of events. I can't, for some reason, let myself bring the fists of fury down on the face of a minor. DAMN MY HIGH MORALS.

You two were tolerable during the first act, that Canadian girl Kira Isabella, as you only knew one of her songs and didn't feel the need to shriek incessantly while she was standing like a pillar on stage with little to absolutely no personality. OK though – can we all agree that she can sing, but has light years of work to do on her stage presence? It was brutal. Someone get her a swagger coach STAT!

Then came Hunter Hayes – he is like the country Justin Bieber and you were like an arena of Beliebers in my f-cking ear. He's cute and I can see why you would like him, but he was pretty brutal. Can I get an amen from the rest of 214? Like really – he was STRUGGLING majorly through his set. As Randy Jackson would say, "It was pitchy dawg, pitchy."

The kid sounds like the fugly dude from Rascal Flatts on his album, but then he gets on stage and – nope, not even close. Maybe he was having problems with the dry air here? Wait a second…why I am making excuses for this fool? He is partially responsible for my current hearing loss.

The fact that he was a C+ at best didn't stop the couple in row 23 from standing up and slow dancing to that one song that everyone knows, Wanted. I just wanted to let you two know that, while I sat there puking in my mouth, heart attack grandma was secretly cursing you for blocking her view.

By the end of Hunter the Woo Girls were getting raspy. I was SO excited. Maybe you would shut the f-ck up during the main event. Tall order right? But I know we were all thinking the same thing – can it ass holes. No such luck. I, along with the rest of 214 were in for a long night of WOOOOOOOOOOs and tone deaf singing.



Bald Guy from Row 21
Carrie Underwood finally came on stage and our section's Woo Girls were momentarily overtaken by the rest of the Woo Girls in the audience. Not for long though, much to all our dismay. In fact, the only person in our immediate vicinity that didn't seem to concerned with Hyena and Banshee was the bald dude in row 21 – am I right, or am I right? I am assuming he was playing the role of the good boyfriend for the evening and was drinking his pain away with copious amounts of beer. By the time Carrie came on the stage he was having the best time of anyone in our section - I dare say, even more fun than you Woo Girls.
I was very pleased that Carrie sang a lot of her hits, but I was also glad she sang shit that no one knew, not because it was good, but because it was almost like a muzzle to the Woo Girls because you can't sing along to something you don't know.

Were you impressed with Carrie's flying stage? I wasn't. It was like she expected us to think she just had a baby unicorn pop out of her mouth because she was floating above the crowd…who does she think we are? A bunch of small town hicks who haven't seen a flying stage before? And what about her duet with Brad Paisley, Remind Me? Like the song, but unfortunately for her, half of the people there were probably also at the Brad Paisley concert this summer where he had a hologram of her on stage. So when she had a video of him singing his part of the song it was a complete let down. No Brad Paisley did NOT have a flying stage, but he made half a stadium go home and tell their family and friends that Carrie Underwood was in Calgary in July when she was not.

So what did ya'll think of Carrie's singing? I am seriously interested. I think she has quite the voice, but there was something missing from the performance. I can't really put a finger on it. I have never seen her in concert before, but Mrs. Fisher seemed somewhat, let's say, absent, from the show. Like a soulless Barbie dancing around on stage hitting all the notes but still coming out flat. I know I said I was tired when I got there, but it takes a pretty 'meh' show for me to leave before it is over – especially when I paid for a ticket. So yes, the girl that got up and left during Before He Cheats – that was me.

Because I got up and left before it was over (because, admit it, it was a never ending concert) I was unable to ask the Woo Girls for a photo. My pitch for your permission was going to be "I am going to be writing a review of this concert and I would like to talk about how you sang off key and screamed this entire concert and would like to have a photo to go along with the post." As much as you would like to say that you would have declined my request – you would have said yes. Because if there is one thing a Woo Girl likes more than Hunter Hayes or Justin Bieber, it's having their picture published.

Verdict: 2.9 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

5 comments:

  1. HYSTERICAL! You do have a way with words my lovely! Wish I was there with you, although I'm happy that I missed the Banshees!

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  2. Good times good times. Bald guy was definitely the best!

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  3. I love this review. ( Spot on )

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  4. I was on the other side towards the top half row and we had alot of empty seats there. So I did not get as many Woo Girls, thank good. Concert was kinda boring but I got my tickets for free. Carrie has a nice voice but 0 stage Presence ZZZzzz

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  5. This article pretty much sums it all up. I loved it!

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