Thursday, July 19, 2012

Movie Review: The Dark Knight Rises (WARNING: SPOILERS)

Don't read this until after you see the movie. If you haven't seen it, you won't know what the hell I am talking about and I will completely ruin the ending for you. Consider yourself warned.

I am not sure why people are jacking off to this like it is the second coming of the comic Jesus. It was two hours and forty-five minutes long (Note to Christopher Nolan: Just because that's been done before doesn't mean it's OK) and after leaving the theatre and mulling over what I just experienced I have decided...I've seen better. I've seen better from Nolan and I've seen better from Christian Bale. I was underwhelmed.

Clearly there were points of greatness in the film. It wouldn't be lauded by film critics everywhere if there wasn't. The effects were fantastic. Anne Hathaway did a surprisingly good job at being the slick criminal with an inkling of a heart, Michael Caine was super as always and the use of a modern day issue with an historic twist was quite entertaining. (The 99% rising up and taking from the 1% and the whole scenario playing out like that of Schindler's List when the German's pulled the Jews from their homes.)

I think my main issue, after really thinking over why I was not a fan, was that Batman was a cripple shut-in for the first quarter of the movie, a failed hero in the next, a prisoner in the third and then finally at the end he gains some traction. I wanted Batman and Bruce Wayne...the old version. The guy from before the death of Maggie Gyllenhaal. The Batman who wasn't blamed for the death of Harvey Dent and then disappeared. I realize this is just the way life is and your hero may not always be on top...but it's a movie, it's fiction and I want to see him kicking ass - not getting his face plowed in limping around with a cane (so NOT sexy).

Then there is the subject of the villain, Bane (play by Tom Hardy who I will never look at the same again). He is portrayed as this demon leader who has come to destroy Gotham. He has no soul etc...until (SPOILER) the end when you find out he was just some dude in a prison that had some bad medical attention and was just trying to save a little girl from being killed. So all of a sudden you go from, "We are supposed to hate this guy!" to "...I am confused, am I supposed to have empathy for him?" and then "BOOM" never mind, he is dead. WTF.

So much of the movie happens in the last 15 minutes, especially in the arena of 'what is the true story behind the villains,' that the whole first 2.5 hours seems like a complete waste of time.

Speaking of the ending. (SPOILER) F-ck. That. You knew the Italy scene was going to happen, but come ON. Alfred's emotional showing at the Wayne's grave site was probably the saddest moment in any superhero movie ever and then it all goes to shit when you realize Bruce is gallivanting around the world (on burglarized money?) alive and well and Alfred just smiles like "oh yes, I know." LIKE HELL YOU DID ALFRED!

I am also sick of the whole bomb situation. (SPOILER) Can we stop making movies based around bombs exploding in 5, 4, 3, 2, .... and then someone saves the day? If you are going to do the bomb shit, at least let it kill a couple thousand people like the Sum of All Fears. That was dope. This, not so much. Well, it would have been dope had the Bat actually died. But since everyone lived happily ever after and Christopher Nolan bitched out and dropped a nicely wrapped present in the audiences lap as the ending of his trilogy instead of keeping to the theme of the film which was "everything goes wrong" - it wasn't (dope).

I say this with the belief that if Gotham had blown up or Batman actually did die that I would be less annoyed with the movie, but we all know that's bull as well. That probably would have pissed me off more, but I didn't like how the bow tying was so obvious. Be a little more subtle Nolan, gawd.

So that's that. I've seen the movie...you've seen the movie. Everyone will probably see the movie and it will make millions. Christopher Nolan will probably not be killed on the street and Christian Bale will go down as one of the best to ever wear the Batman costume (even though it is ugly as sin).

Oh speaking of Christian Bale and ugly as sin...well, he isn't that, but I didn't think he was as hot in this movie. Can I get an AMEN from the ladies? He just wasn't as smokin' as he usually is. This makes me sad. THIS was the biggest piss off of the movie. Yes, I have decided...Bale's lack of looks ruined the whole GD thing.


Verdict: 3.6 Stars

The Dark Knight Rises is in theatres Friday July 20, 2012

XOXO
Jes...

1 comment:

  1. Weighed down by portentousness and momentousness. The overall story remains a bit muddled. A better trilogy-capper than a movie in its own right.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.