Saturday, June 2, 2012

In Review: Snow White and the Huntsman

This is the final post in the war of the two Snow White movies. The verdict was in for Lily Collins and Julia Roberts' version, Mirror Mirror. It didn't pass, mostly because of the fact that I thought it was only bearable. I thought that I would like the Kristen Stewart version better, much to my dismay. So did I?

This one was darker and geared more towards the kinds of people who like Kristen Stewart - Emo kids who dress like Avril Lavigne and will probably drop out of high school by the time they reach grade 11. I am just guessing here that these are the K Stew types, but I could be wrong. They could be the same people who get straight A's and run for student council, but in my mind those people are smart, so...not fans of Kristen Stewart.

Anyways, they were going for the dark and mysterious version of the tale. Fair enough. Charlize Theron was pretty dope as the evil Queen who sucks the life out of pretty girls to keep her youthful beauty. I think Charlize is at the top of her game whenever she has to play a crazy douche...which may say something about her true personality, or maybe she is just a brilliant actor.

Chris Hemsworth plays the Huntsman. I think he should ditch the long hair forever. Seriously, it's getting old and I kept thinking that Thor was there ready to lay down the hammer. I also noticed that at times he had a super thick Irish sounding accent and at others he sounded more Australian.

There was no Prince, just the son of a Duke - which I guess, is supposed to be the same thing, but not. He wasn't as hot as Chris Hemsworth (and that is saying much because of the length of Chris' blond locks)...so I was confused as to which of the two I was supposed to be routing for. Love-triangle alert. Usually they make it easy, hot guy gets girl. Ugly guy becomes friend. I won't spoil it for the high school, soon to be, drop-outs.

Now onto Kristen Stewart. She totally nailed the part of the mute girl who walks around with a surprised and determined expression on her face for the whole movie...if that was what she was directed to do. She doesn't say much, which I am assuming was because when she did it was a stinking pile of awkward. Case in point, the second to last scene. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but I was expecting a little more 'umph' out of her and it just wasn't there.

Once the credits started to roll I felt empty and dead inside...and kind of like I wanted to vomit - and I refuse to believe that this was because of all the wine, popcorn and chocolate I consumed.

So what is the score for the big Snow White battle? Best Snow White: Mirror; Best Evil Queen: Huntsman;  Hottest Man: Mirror; Best Story: Huntsman; Best Dark Forrest: Huntsman; Best Dwarfs: Mirror; Best Ending...well this one made me feel dead inside and Mirror, Mirror ended with a random Bollywood number. Based on this battle...any other Snow White movie could really come up the middle and take it - even one made in the style of The Blair Witch Project.

Verdict: 2.4 Stars

XOXO
Jes...

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