Saturday, June 16, 2012

In Review: Rock of Ages

You know what is fantastic? Music from the 80s. You know what was not? Rock of Ages.

If you take out the music you have a same old, same old: girl from small town moves to LA to become an entertainer and finds out that the industry is a little messed up, falls in love with boy, and ends up being a stripper - the usual. (Insert and singer/dancer movie here: Burlesque, Coyote Ugly, Make it Happen etc.).

Cheesy lines, gag-me-with-a-severed-hand 'emotional scenes' and the usual middle school drama played by adults. You get the gist.

Julianne Hough played the girl. She was pretty damn annoying...her character, her nasally voice and basically everything about her. The boy was also pretty forgettable. Zzzzz.

I know it was their story line that was to carry the movie, but it was so amateur in comparison to their cast member's (Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Bryan Cranston, Paul Giamatti and Tom Cruise). It is actually almost unfair to put two inexperienced actors next to some of the best in the biz and expect them to give anything more than a so-so performance.

Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand made this movie for me. I am pretty sure I told you all this before the movie came out. Nailed that prediction. They did not disappoint.

Catherine Zeta-Jones did a good job for what she was doing, but her character is someone I would like to stab in the throat.

Paul Giamatti was dope, as usual, and then there was Tom Cruise. Oh. My. Good. Fack. Could he be any more creepy? I mean, yes he was playing a super out of it rock star, but there is just something about ol' Tommy's face that makes me think...'Has he ever sacrificed a baby to an alien god?' And that is not something that I usually think when I look at...well, anyone.

The saving grace of this movie, besides the hilariousness that is Brand and Baldwin, was the music. If you are not singing along with at least half of the songs (in your head or out loud) then you must be under the age of 15 or a complete and utter disappointment of a human...and I can bet your parents say that about you behind your back. I can't say this as absolute fact, but there is a pretty darn good chance that I am right.

It was the best of the best. And the whole cast actually sang (Yes, Tom Cruise and Russell Brand are both singing...I questioned both of them, but no one else. Upon further investigation I can tell you that was them singing. I can't tell you to what level they were auto-tuned.) and there was more than one power ballad.

If I were to judge based on music my verdict would be: YAY! NOSTALGIA. If I were to judged based on the story, it would be: BOO! OVERDONE STORY LINE.

Verdict: 2.2 Stars

Sorry folks, but I just can't get passed the cheese...and Tom Cruise may haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.


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