Oh the Oscars...the most anticipated and often underwhelming awards show of the season. This year was supposed to be a Brett Ratner produced/Eddie Murphy hosted show...but instead we got some other guy and Billy Crystal. Don't get me wrong...Billy was A+ in his prime, but now, after 80 rounds of botox and a couple decades over when his humour was prestige...well he fell flat.

It didn't help that the Academy decided to piggy back their theme this year on The Artist and the nostalgia of the theatre. I got it, but since I thought The Artist was over-hyped and blah to begin with you can imagine my disappointment when they based a 3 hour broadcast around it.

The show overall was one my Grandpa and all his friends at the retirement lodge probably enjoyed and the generations of people who come from the time of fast cars and movies with Michael Bay type explosions thought it was a giant snooze fest.

In part...it was one of the most boring telecasts I have ever seen...and I watch curling on occasion.

Overall here are my picks for the best moments of the awards:

Carrying on their hit drinking game from the SAG Awards, Melissa McCarthy and Rose Bryne of  Bridesmaids pulled out mini bar sized bottles of Grey Goose from their dresses and drank when someone in the crowd yelled out Scorsese. I love me a good drinking game...and if they were actually playing the whole night - those hussies would have been smashed.

Not really much more to say here...except I received multiple text messages while J Lo and Cameron Diaz were presenting an award "IS THAT JLO's NIPPLE?!" Yes, yes it was.

I love me some Robert Downey Jr, even though his and Gwyneth Paltrow's little skit that followed the Tebowing was kind of lame. I blame her, it was very "tri-hardish"...she's not really funny. Robert on the other hand. Hi-larious.

All of the nostalgic nonsense that was going on had a silver lining...Adam Sandler's track suit. Yeah, the actor with the most razzie nominations in one year was included in the "why I love movies" or whatever the hell that actor montage that played twice during the show. Since Adam doesn't dress up for anyone but Oprah, he kept to his t-shirt and track suit uniform for the taping. Hilarious. That montage made absolutely no sense with all those actors being pretentious and talking gibberish out of their asses. It was a complete bomb until Jonah Hill talked about crazy people that made movies. Then I was like "ahhh, I see." Thank you Mr. Hill.

I know this wasn't in the actual broadcast, but I can't help what stuck out to me. Sacha Baron Cohen came on the red carpet as his most recent character, General Aladeen, and was carrying what he claimed to be the ashes of Kim Jong-Il. He then proceeded to dump them all over Ryan Seacrest who was not impressed. Obviously it wasn't Jong-Il, BUT I am really hoping it was a real person because that would be a trillion times more funny. I mean, Ryan's irritation makes it hilarious, but it would be better if he actually had a dead guy on him.

Did you like these picks? No? Well imagine what the other 2.9 hours of the show felt like. Death.

XOXO
Jes...