Saturday, December 31, 2011

RECAP: Big Happenings of 2011

2011 was a pretty active news year. So many stories it is hard to figure out where to start, what to include and what things to toss to the side. For example...Sidney Crosby being out for most of the season, coming back and then leaving again all due to concussions was nixed. I thought I would just wait until he actually announced his retirement from the game.

Here are my top 10 stories of 2011...enjoy.

Occupy Movement
How many people actually knew what the hell this was when the whole Wall Street protest started? I sure didn't. I am still kind of confused about the 99% and why people thought it necessary to camp outside in all major cities across North America. All I know is that by the time the whole thing ended in Calgary there were people protesting the protesters in a city where protesting is pretty much a joke and people don't like to be outside for more than 20 minutes at a time.

Oprah
Oprah launched her OWN network while wrapping up and ending the Oprah Winfrey Show after 25 years. It was a sad and devastating day for myself and middle aged housewives all over the world. What will we do without the great Ope? I had absolutely no idea what to buy people for Christmas this year because I didn't have Oprah's Favorite Things...sorry Ellen, your 12 days of Christmas just didn't do it for me. I am now looking to see who will replace Ope...I am thinking Anderson Cooper's show Anderson may be on the right track. Ellen is just too goofy...she will never make me cry.

Steve Jobs and Jack Layton
Two silver haired visionaries left us this year. Steve Jobs, the God of technology and Jack Layton the spunky leader of the Canadian NDP party took their bows as they both lost their respective battles with the big C. Both leaving legacies that I am sure will influence generations to come.

We also lost some other good ones this year with Amy Winehouse joining the 27 club in July; Elizabeth Taylor becoming a shining gem in the sky in March; Ryan Dunn speeding out of our lives in July; Jeff Conway, aka Kenickie, saying bye in May; and Nate Dogg leaving in March. It was a sad year.

Other, possibly less sad deaths include, Osama Bin Laden, Kim Jong-Il, and Muammar Gaddafi.

Royal Wedding
I woke up at 3 AM for this, so you bet your ass it is making it on the list. Kate Middleton and Prince William finally said I do on April 29, 2011 while the whole world, those who were awake at that moment, watched. It was wonderful, as I recall.

The fascinators, the Ginger Prince, Pippa, the little flower girl that was making a face...they all were top stories in the days following the royal extravaganza. Then Kate and Will toured Canada and were White Hatted in Calgary...best day of their lives I am sure. Long live their Royal Highnesses.

Japan Tsunami
Devastation. It happened right at the beginning of the year and set the tone for the many natural disasters to come. Mother Nature was sure a c-nty betch this year...and what do we do? Back out of Kyoto...just kidding, that was a joke on that joke, but for real. Earthquakes every other day...and even that one on the East Coast. Remember that? Pencils fell off tables and stuff!

And then the East Coast was hit hard again with that ENORMOUS rain storm that they called Hurricane Irene. Irene was also a cow...shutting down the entire city of New York. Bravo.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Schriver
Of all the celebrity divorces that happened this year, Arnold and Maria's was surely the one heard round the world. Not only did they get a divorce a short time after he finished his stint at the Governor of California, it was also revealed that he had a 10 year old son with his former maid. Ouch. Poor Maria.

Then there was the demise of the Queen Cougar, Demi Moore, and her boy toy Ashton Kutcher...that was not built to last. J Lo finally got rid of her skeletar significant other; Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, a match made in punk kid heaven, called it quits; Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries ended their 72 day farce of a marriage in a divorce that will have a ripple effect on the Kardashian empire from now until the end of time; Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard, my fave little hipster couple, quit love and just yesterday Katy Perry and Russell Brand finally confirmed that the rumours were indeed true when Russell filed for divorce.

End of Harry Potter
The very last Harry Potter movie hit theatres this summer...which means the end of Pottermania. Well, I mean, sure people will still read the books, have movie marathons, go to the theme parks, and Daniel Radcliff and gang will be immortal until they die...but it will never be the same. There will never be that anticipation of a new book or new movie that will have people in a tizzy. RIP Potter Anticipation.

Vancouver Riots
Tisk tisk Vancouver. After the Canucks lost in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals Vancouverites, who were corralled on the downtown streets of Vancouver, vandalized, looted and destroyed their city. Classy group. It was the sports riot mocked around the world. While other countries in the world rioted over their governments, poverty, and other things of civil unrest Vancouver citizens lit cop cars on fire because their team lost a hockey game. London, Egypt, Greece, and Lebanon...you have nothing on Vancouver. Just kidding. *Shakes head in disgust at the memory

Ryan Gosling...Robbed
This was his year...everything pointed to Ryan Gosling being named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. I called it early on in the year. If he didn't get it I was gonna have to choke out a baby...but then that day in November came and who had the magazine chosen? Not Ryan. Bradley Cooper. I think B Coop is foxy, don't get me wrong, but how did he snag the spot from Gosling? The only thing I could think of was the unwillingness of the mag to give it to a Canadian named Ryan 2 years in a row. There were also reports that came out following the announcement that Gosling actually turned it down. Whatever...people were pissed. I still am...and I will be until next year.

Amanda Knox
Foxy Knoxy was her nickname after the TV movie came out earlier this year about the Italian trial of Amanda Knox. The American exchange student in Italy who supposedly murdered her British roommate with her then boyfriend in 2007. In 2009 a court found her guilty and she was sentenced to life in prison, but she appealed. This October the court overturned the verdict...guess they didn't see that movie. Knox is now back in the States with family...and will probably be f-cked up for the rest of her life.

Other big trial news included Casey Anthony, that huss bag that probably got away with murdering her toddler; Conrad Murray was sentenced to four years in prison for the role he played in MJ's death; and Lindsay Lohan made her multiple, yearly appearances in court for being...well, Lindsay.
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That pretty much wraps up a glorious year. Next year should be extra saucy...you know, with it being the end of the world and everything. Go big people...go big or go home in our potential last year on earth!

XOXO
Jes...

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