Thursday, October 13, 2011

Movie Madness: Out this Weekend

I don't even remember the last time I went to the theatre! It has been way to long, but after looking at this weekends choices...maybe my absence will continue a little longer.

The Big Year
As with most stories of this type I wonder...How the hell do they afford this? Three dudes taking a year to f-ck off? With what money? So effing jealous of people who can actually do this.

Anyways...it is from the director of Marley & Me (lame) and The Devil Wears Prada (wah wah wah), so that doesn't really tell me it is watchable.

Jack Black can be only slightly irritating at his best moments and a complete migraine at his worst. Steve Martin is alright but has had the same shtick since 1975 and Owen Wilson...well I just haven't found him funny since he tried to off himself (or before...but I don't think that is in any way linked to his almost-death).

So will I watch this? Probably not...until some random time when I go home to visit my parents and my father pulls it off the 'movies old people who live in the suburbs, like to bird watch and are not impressed by the use of foul language as a form of humour' shelf and insists I watch it as it is the best movie he has seen since Wild Hogs.

Footloose
I don't understand the concept of this movie. A bunch of kids were out drinking and dancing and then some got in a car accident and died...so they ban dancing? That makes sense...in a delusional world where you can ban dancing. You know what would be more believable...if they banned kids from driving until they were 21...since they died IN A CAR not on the dance floor.

So besides that ridiculous plot line failure...the 80s remake is probably going to suck major peen. But tons of people will go see it because they want to flash back and remember a time when Kevin Bacon was cool and not just used as a form of connecting people through film roles in six steps. Or, for those who don't even know who K Bacon is (those who are the supposed age of the people in the film) will go see it because they can't connect with the original, but still want to feel like a part in the Footloose dynasty.

The Thing
So they find this giant bug or some garbage in the middle of the arctic and, like genius scientists, crack open the ice for a 'tissue sample' and all hell breaks loose. The 'thing' then starts to kill the humans and then recreates itself as the ones that it has killed. And to think...this all could have been avoided had they not drilled through 2 feet of ice. Tisk tisk.

My pick of the week: oh good lord...could it really be Footloose? I call for a theatre boycott this week. Or maybe it is cheap theatre weekend...Harry Potter is probably still running. They must get every last nickel they can out of Radcliffe and friends.

XOXO
Jes...

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