Monday, October 10, 2011

Kim Kardashian Wedding Extravaganza....

Did anyone else catch the FOUR HOURS of Kim Kardashian's Wedding that aired on E! in 2 parts....yesterday and today (or if you were smart: 4 hours back to back today)?

Well I did and only a Kardashian would think that it was a valuable use of the general populaces time to watch her plan her wedding for 4 hours (...only about 10 minutes of an actual wedding). Luckily for her it was a holiday today and I planned on sitting my ass on the couch for the entire day anyways...so it fit in with my plan.

So what did you miss if you had a life and were unable to park it for 4 hours. Well here is a quick sum:
  • The Kardashian ladies try to exude their woman prowess all over Kris Humphries and the other men of the family sit back and take it up the ass as usual. Scott is the only man of the fam who ever tried to be a man...and to quote Scott, "I had to change a lot of things when I joined this family. For one I had to surgically get my penis removed." Sounds about right.
  • Kris Jenner gets a neck pinning or whatever that surgery is called to look good at the wedding. She cries like she is going in for quadruple bypass. Whiner. How the hell did she weasel in a plot line in these episodes? Such a waste of time.
  • Kris and Khloe get in a little huff about Kris's intentions for marrying Kim. Khloe says that she is just saying what everyone else is saying behind his back...well yes Khloe, because they are not complete idiots. Kim disinvites Khloe to the wedding. Drama.
  • The bachelor/bachelorette parties are in Vegas on the same weekend. The girls fly down (minus Khloe) in a private jet sipping champagne etc. The guy fly Southwest. Such ballers.
  • The guys are staying at the Venetian and the girls at the Plazzo...they think they will never cross paths but then the girl go out to Tao...which is in the Venecian. So lame. Talk about having the dude on a tight chain...I saw right through that whole set up.
  • Kim tells Kris that she is going to change her name to Humphries. He is happy. She tells her mom and mom says, WTF. Kim then decides against it. Kris gets pissed. She thinks about it, but in the end she stays Kardashian. I give it a year.
  • Things are all tense for the rehearsal and Kris is growing a sick moustache in protest of not being involved with the wedding. Tension tension tension.
  • Kim has a little moment a day or so before the wedding with Bruce when he brings her deceased fathers shirts over so Kim can sew some pieces of it into her 3 wedding dresses (yes, not a typo...there were 3). She cries. Kris is like....whaaat, you cry? Um, I am pretty sure this bitch cries everyday. She looks like a crier.
  • Wedding day arrives. No big drama...except Kourtney almost fell walking down the aisle...which would have been awesome, but it didn't. 
  • They get married. There is a reception. All is well. End of 'Kim's Fairytale Wedding: a Kardashian Event" (Seriously...who ARE these people?)
See...you didn't really miss much.

XOXO
Jes...

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