Tuesday, October 18, 2011

In Review: Selena Gomez (in Calgary)

Tonight I went to my own personal hell...a tween concert starring Justin Bieber's older woman, Selena Gomez. While I find Gomez's song Who Says catchy, I do not find 9 year old girls screaming until they develop laryngitis to be in any way amusing.

I actually do not find anything about 9 year olds, or any child under 16, bearable. As far as I am concerned they all need a good smack up the side of the face with a stilleto...and those are just the ones who stop while walking in front of me with no warning...don't even get me started about the repremands I would recommend for kids that get dilenquently out of line.

So anyways...I go to this show tonight knowing full well I should have brought ear plugs and low and behold I didn't kill myself, or a nearby child. Quite remarkable actually. As irritating as the screaming was (although I believe it paled in comparison to when the Biebs himself was here) it was actually quite interesting to see a Calgary crowd give a performer some love.

As for the performance, Ms. Justin Bieber, I do not think she deserved all the accolades...it was uninspired. Half the people in that place didn't even know who she was until she started dating the Biebs. They probably went in there saying 'tonight we are going to go see Justin Bieber's girlfriend.'

Before Bieber there were 2 things that would make a pop sensation: 1. An amazing stage presence and a winning personality (ie. Britney circa 1999) or 2. An amazing voice (ie Christina...still going strong). You had to have that something in relation to your singing that blew people away.

Now I guess...since there is the 'Bieber Factor' one can have little talent, a sad excuse for stage presence, and a boring show and still get the crowd going like they were all given a dose of Oprah's Audience Heroin. And that's saying something.

Gomez failed to impress me...I actually thought she would be at least decent, but I think I got her vocals confused with Demi Lovato's. Half the time i couldn't hear her because he voice wasn't strong enough and the times when I could her voice sounded whiney or it came out in small bursts of power and then faded back out again. Trust me, it was her...not the sound guy.

I think the other reason I thought she sounded bad was because her songs are crap. I am pretty sure she wrote them all...when she was 5...with a deaf kid as her sounding board.  The lyrics were spray cheese and music was prison torture. Half the time I was thanking Jesus that I couldn't hear her singing as a combination of everything may have been too much for me. 

She had 3 costume changes...which is lame...and all of the costumes were somewhat hooch inspired, which is to be expected since she is a Disney star...and Disney breeds future strippers and escorts. The stage was standard and the 5 screens she had were only used part time (which is a huge kick in the box to  the kids at the back...even though she did some sort of pre-taped shout out to the people in the back. I am sure they would have appreciated you putting the show on the screens more than that video). Her back up dancers were decent...but her poor band. Who is dressing these people? Her 4 man band were all wearing silver metallic tight t-shirts. It was horrible. I would quit.

She did a little ode to Britney Spears where she sung a montage of songs from Hit Me Baby to Hold It Against Me. Did she do Britney justice? Well, yeah I guess...but it is common knowledge that Britney can't sing, so singing her songs as she did is not in the least bit difficult.

Hum...I guess I should say something positive.  Ok 2 things. 1...I like that Gomez can rap. She did a section of Super Bass by Nicki Minaj and killed it (with major edits of course). She needs to work that into her music because that would probably give her the edge that she needs. 2. This is the first time I was a tower at a concert. The 6 foot tall men were noticably absent from this show. Suck on THAT 9 year olds who were told to not stand on the chairs...mwahaha.

So that's it. Selena Gomez is kind of brutes. She did not pass the test. She should probably just stick to acting. Or being Bieb's girlfriend.

Verdict: 2.4 Stars


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