Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Canada's Got Talent? (Auditions Round 1 in Calgary)

Pain.  Last night I attended the live audition tapings in Calgary for Canada's Got Talent. Now please correct me if I am wrong...but the purpose of the audience in the 'Got Talent' franchise is to help the judges determine whether or not the performer on stage sucks, correct? IE, they're there to cheer or boo people based on talent.

Well that may have been news to some of the people attending this taping. Then again...it is Calgary and people have a hard time participating in anything...but who would say no to sanctioned booing? Not I.

The first group was a bunch of teenage girls dancing hip hop...they were not terrible, but they were hardly great. I did not boo them (I know...I held back). I DID however, boo the next guy who came on the stage with some sort of rope and was tying knots or something. I was the only person in the whole place yelling 'OFF OFF OFF' 10 seconds in...then, finally, some other people started booing. After this I knew it was going to be a long night. I mean, I have no problem standing alone in my opinions, even though they are generally correct, but my voice just doesn't carry that well and I needed some people of quality to back me up. Tisk tisk.


I could go on about this for eons...so I will just break it down into some easy numbers...cause people (especially white people, or so I hear) love statistics:
  • 3 = dancers who cursed the cancellation of SYTYCD Canada
  • 1 = father who was exploiting his 9 year old child as a rapper to get him the 'aw cute' vote
  • 4 = foreign people
  • 9 = singers (no Susan Boyles...unnnnnnnnnnnfortunately)
  • 7 = people who deserved to be booed or buzzed
  • 2 = paid actors...there is no way anyone is that bad
  • 3 = deserved applause 
  • 0 = deserved a standing ovation
  • 4/5 = got a standing ovation 
  • 4 = hour that it took for the 18 performers to share their 'talents'
  • 1 = old dude named Denise that swept the stage between takes
  • 1 = girl who butchered Celine...I should have knifed her
  • 1 = group of people who lead rabbits through a rabbit obstacle course...I am not kidding this happened. It was an embarrassment of ginormous proportions.
Unfortunately I don't remember how many people they let through...I just remember it was way too many.

The judges didn't do it for me either (except for when they danced during the break...I was slightly entertained - see video above). Sadly, there was no Pierce or Simon on the panel. Stephan was the closest we got, but still...he was too nice...and he was wearing this fugly scarf.  Martin Short...is extremely short in person and was the nice one of the group. They all, at one point or another, tried to talk technical in an area where they are not an expert and it was irritating.

All in all...it was like America's Got Talent without the sass, big routines or stand out performances. So...like any other talent show knock off that Canada has ever had.

XOXO
Jes...

#ShouldHaveBeenDanLevy

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