Monday, June 6, 2011

Top 5: Worst Parts of the MTV Movie Awards

This list started out as the "best" moments of the awards, but it was empty for so long that I had to call an audible and switch it up. I don't know why I didn't foresee it being the Twilight Show 3.0.

Those Twi-Hards are so f-cking annoying voting up a storm like they do. They are as bad as Beliebers, but at least Biebs has some legitimate talent, unlike anyone and anything in that terrible series.  I think the people putting the show together knew that it was going to be all about Twilight...the whole thing was very sloppy...just like Kristen Stewart's hair and every single one of their acceptance speeches.

For the next two years, unless you are one of the assholes that likes Twilight, I would recommend that you do not watch the awards because it will be Twilight Show 4.0 and 5.0. It hurts my soul to say it, but we all know it's true.

Jason Sudeikis
Jason had great potential...he really did, but I think that whoever was writing his shit missed the mark. There was way too many Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes and ones that were based around movies that a majority of people didn't see. Thank God he started the show was an ode to the Hangover 2 because people actually saw it. His little singing thing was very blah and his walk through the audience was just awkward and ended with him talking with "Bob the Boulder"...if the live audience was allowed to boo I think they might have. His only good joke went over the head of 85% of the people watching, "Dave Grohl can play percussion? Who knew, the guy can do everything." The chances of the people who like Twilight knowing Nirvana is so slim I can't even calculate such small odds.

Robert Pattinson
He wins best actor and goes up and gives an awkward speech. Him and Stewart win Best Kiss and then they awkwardly set up Rob kissing Taylor Lautner instead of Kristen (cause heaven forbid that shit goes public). It was obvious that the stunt was pre-planned, but it was still awkward as hell. Now the next thing was shocking. How many times has Rob won these awards? Every year since the start of Twilight. And every year he fumbles while speaking, so WHY do they then go and get him to be a special presenter for Reese Whitherspoon's Generation Award? Major fail. Kristen Stewart's awkwardness is definitely rubbing off on him.

Kristen Stewart
She attempted jokes: "Natalie, sorry but this popcorn is mine." (Like Portman really wanted that popcorn...she has an f-ing Oscar). She forgot, again, to brush her hair and not like I should be surprised, but it got worse as the night went on. She had a definite JBF hair going on. And she still has not learned how to make an acceptance speech. The 7 year old that won for Best Line kicked her ass.

Reese Whitherspoon
Actually I really liked Reese's little acceptance speech. I especially liked when she was going off about sex tapes and taking nude photos of yourself, but not showing your face. Tell 'em Reese. But she looked like she literally just woke and and threw on a dress and ran over to the awards (after getting blitzed on something). Her hair was unkempt and it seemed like she wasn't wearing any make up.  But whatever, love her.

Justin Bieber
Bieber won the award for Best Jaw-Dropping Moment. The presenters said he wasn't there to get it and I am pretty sure everyone was expecting Bieber to come on the screen and then he walks out from the back and got his award. I think they thought that Bieber walking out was going to be "jaw-dropping" as well, but it was just weird and I was thinking...why lie? That's just stupid. And Bieber's ears are pierced.


I should have known that the whole thing was going to be awful after it started with Chelsea Handler's phone ringing with Friday as her ringtone. It was a bad omen from minute 1.

XOXO
Jes...

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