Sunday, June 12, 2011

Conan O'Brien at Darthmouth's Graduation. So Jealous

Conan O'Brien received an honorary doctorate of arts today at the Dartmouth College Commencement ceremony.

I would like to make a note to those children in grade 11 (since this ship has sailed for those gr. 12 kids who already paid their housing deposit)...if you want to have someone dope like Conan speak at your graduation ceremony, choose your post-secondary school accordingly.

If you go to an American Ivy League school there is a pretty good chance that the Conan's of the world will take a day out of their schedule to entertain you. If you go to a mid-level Canadian university that looks like it was built in the time of communist Russia the chances of you getting some old dude (who you have never heard of who drags on for an hour about nothing of significance) are extremely good. If you go to a top Canadian school you may get a William Shatner type (but no promises).

I just wanted to get that out of the way before I went into the greatness that was Conan's speech today. I tried to find a video of this, but one does not yet exist. You can read his full speech here.

He joked, made fun of the school and then talked about his boot from the Tonight Show and what it means to fail. Super funny, but very legit at the same time. Props to Coco.

"Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011. Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg. Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would someone have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room."

After I convocated I told myself never to go back to school - BUT, I may be convinced otherwise if I was promised a rad speech like this one to wrap it all up.


Side note: Congrats to all the University grads this year....whether it took you 4, 5, or 6 years! (Unless you told people it took you 5 and then a photo of you in a cap and gown magically showed up on your facebook page after year 6 - no congrats to you). 

May your life not suck right away. Go party in Thailand, spend a summer listening to Bob Marley, and then in about 6 months start thinking about how crappy the jobs will be that you are going to have for the next 5 years. Feel free to then get addicted to some sort of happy're gonna need it.

UPDATE: Here is a partial version of Conan's speech

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