Sunday, February 27, 2011

Top 5: Most Annoying Parts of the Oscars

I was trying to think of the Top 5 best moments....but they were so few and far between that I was only able to wrangle up 3...and they were boring. So here we are with the most annoying portions of the night.

James Franco's Drug Induced Hosting Technique
I was pretty excited that I was going to get to gawk at James Franco the whole night...which is basically what I did. Cause it is not like I really needed to listen to him talk...he didn't say much. He was definitely on something and his eyes were doing weird things.  Could you be a little more enthused? You are hosting the f-cking Oscars. But you are hot - so you are already forgiven. Oh Ricky, you were sooo right.

Anne Hathaway's Dresses
James and Anne were pretty terrible as a pair. They only threw out one jab the whole evening...which was super safe since it was directed at Charlie Sheen. Who hasn't made fun of Charlie Sheen? But I do think that her over enthusiasm was done to try to compensate for the fact that James was so out of it I am surprised he was able to find his way on stage.  So I can't harp on her too too much about that. It was bad, but it wasn't the worst of Anne. I could say it was the song (the singing was good...the song was BRUTAL)...but again, no.

The worst were those who-the-fug dresses that she was in. Who the hell picked those out? Her blind grandma? I liked the first white one and the shimmy one (until she shimmied in it, then I was less enthused)....but other than that I was wondering if James was the only on f-cked out of his mind.

The Harry P, Toy Story 3, Social Network, Twilight Music Piece
First of all, I was watching the show with talkers so I am not sure why  exactly this was played, but it annoyed me. The Harry Potter one was meh, the Toy Story 3 one was snooze worthy, The Social Network was probably the best but still lame, and then Twilight...what? HP, TS3, and Social Network were all nominated films so that made sense, but the Twilight one was just a sad marketing ploy used to draw in the idiot tweens that like that garbage. It was like bringing a bag of shit into the Oscars and throwing it on everyone. We were watching to see the GOOD movies, not to be reminded of the horrible crap that Hollywood produces.

Kirk Douglas' Presentation of Melissa Leo's Oscar
This was not annoying...it was awkward. Kirk Douglas, father of Michael Douglas, is a 94 year old actor who had a stroke in the 90s and his speech is now impaired...so of course the Academy thought it would be a great idea to have him come out and present an award. I, and the rest of the room, had no idea what he was trying to say.

It was actually pretty shocking to me that everyone was laughing....how the hell do you know what he is saying??? He talked forever...you could tell that he knew it was going to be his last hurrah and he had to milk it for all it was worth. He even opened the envelope to announce Melissa Leo's win and paused and started rambling again. This I was jealous of...as I have always wanted to do that.

Colin Firth Succeeding in not Looking Excited after Winning
The Kings Speech pulled in a lot of little gold men, some of them were toss ups, but Colin Firth's win for Best Actor was not. It was a lock. He got on stage and started to describe that he basically was really excited and was trying to contain himself. He could have fooled me because he looked as unexcited as James Franco did the entire night. Colin, we know you are British, but it is ok to be excited when you win an OSCAR.

If you were wondering my three best moments were Melissa Leo's f-bomb (which was not bleeped in the live telecast...it is possible that Melissa Leo is closer to her Fighter character than we thought), James Franco being hot, and all of the references to and shots of my husband, Mark Wahlberg. Love.

XOXO
Jes...

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